Together Alone (Again)
by LaurenRoover
Summary: Sequel to 'Together Alone'. Alexa is finally starting to accept the rules of the new world and is ready to learn what it means to be a true survivor. There is only one group of individuals who could teach her, but she first has to find them. Carl X OC, updates on Monday.
1. Prologue

**Heya!**

 **After six months the sequel is finally here! When 'Together Alone' ended I'd gotten many messages asking for one, but I had many other projects I was working on at the time, but now one of my other fanfics has ended so there's more room in my schedule to continue writing this cheezy story. With the ideas for storylines and such, this story now has a length of 12 chapters. Unless it gets well-received, then I might consider continuing to 25 chapters. Let's just see how it goes :)**

 **(Disclaimer: I do not own The Walking Dead)**

 **Enjoy! ;)**

 _Prologue_

Everything was just a blur. As if someone decided to throw random paint into my eyes and prevent me from wiping it away. Every single day since I left the prison was the same. I could barely remember the faces of the people who lived there. All I knew is that they were killers. I was one too. And I had yet to accept that.

Yet the loneliness decided to take over my mind. Every day was a routine of killing a walker, scavenging some from an awfully convenient placed building with canned food inside, and making sure the people who it belonged to didn't see me. I decided not to meet any new people, because….well, I'm a killer.

I kept myself hidden in the shadows of the trees, barely ever going on the road. When the days started getting shorter and the nights colder, I went around stealing clothes of corpses. They smelled like hell, but were also a good defence against walkers. If you smelled like them, you were them. Sometimes, I did feel like I was one of them. Just an empty brain inside a skull.

There was one particular day where the life returned to my brain. It started like any other day. I woke up in the mud, checked if I still had all my stuff and went looking for food. Then I stumbled upon this small lake. I hadn't seen it the night before, and it almost seemed like it popped up out of nowhere during the time I'd closed my eyes.

When I got closer, I could see the water stood still, meaning it was full of bacteria. I'd get really sick if I drank from it, so of course I didn't do that. The thing that got my attention where the eyes looking at me from the waters.

Light eyes, surrounded by dark circles. Just under the left eye I could see tiny scar, I don't remember where I got that. My hair was literally everywhere and was decorated with tiny branches and dried out leafs. It wouldn't surprise me if a bird hid in there somewhere. Long story short; I was a mess. I couldn't remember the last time I'd looked at my own reflection.

I squatted down at the bank, taking a closer look at the girl staring back at me. The face of a killer. The last thing that poor woman saw before I shoot her. The face of evil, I'd almost say. The face of someone who just can't accept that.

I sat down in the mud, leaning with my elbows on my knees. Why I allowed myself to live after having done something like that, I didn't know. There was no point, really. People wouldn't accept someone like me into their group. Only a group of killers would.

I closed my eyes, and groaned. Through my eyelashes I could see my reflection doing the same. She already knew how stupid I was.

I stood up, wondering if he would recognize me.


	2. Chapter 1: Alone alone

**Eeey first chapter is here! It feels good to go back to this story, I've got some cool ideas for upcoming chapters :)**

 **(Disclaimer: I do not own The Walking Dead)**

 **Enjoy! ;)**

 _Chapter 1: Alone alone_

As soon as I read the letters painted on the trunk of the tree, I feel my knees giving up. My body collapses. I'm truly giving up.

Why I first thought they were just doing fine, I don't know. Maybe I thought I knew this world, and they knew it too. I thought they'd know how to stay alive through it all, because that's what they're good at. I expected them to just be there where I left them, for _him_ to just wait for me at the gates. To embrace me and tell me it's all good. That we'll figure it out together.

How stupid could I be? Have I really learned nothing after all the people I'd lost to this stupid world? Why can't I just accept the fact that humans are not immortal. We're not going to be here forever, I know that much, but somehow I always hope our deaths procrastinate somehow. That we'd have more time together.

All that hope was gone when I saw smoke rising from the place where the prison used to be. I'd climbed up a tree to see where the hell I'd gotten myself into, and almost fell down when I saw the disaster of a place I used to call home. Of course, you immediately start blaming yourself. I never should've left, if I hadn't they'd still be alive, I should've gone back earlier and blah, blah, blah…

After I'd passed those stages of panic, I decided to go take a closer look. Maybe there were still survivor's, maybe my eyes aren't that good as I think. Maybe I'm just imagining things. Maybe he is there, waiting for me at the gates, a smile around his lips.

The closer I got to the prison, the more walkers I encountered. They were swarming around the entire place like bees getting all worked up about a drop of honey. Some of them were too stupid to notice any difference between me and another walker because of my clothes, but when they got too close they did. I tried acting like they did, and it was so embarrassing I was almost glad there was no living person to witness it. I know I shouldn't say that, but it was what I thought at the time.

When I entered the field with high grass surrounding the prison, I was close enough to see the fences and most of the walls had broken down. And there was a fricking tank. No jokes. This was a real war zone, and the hopes of finding somebody alive got smaller and smaller.

As I got closer to the prison itself, I saw something which caught my attention. Something on the ground, close to the tank. At first I thought it was a dead animal, because it was kind of small and there was a lot of blood. But then I noticed there wasn't enough hair on it to be actual fur.

When I stood above it, I froze. The knife I was holding in my hand trembled in my fingers. I suddenly felt really cold, and my eyes started burning.

It was a head. I saw the profile of a head. Someone had pierced it with a knife or something, so it wasn't alive anymore.

I knew that face. I knew the person this head belonged to. When I looked at my left, I could see the body. It was already missing a leg. He'd survived that long with one leg, but he couldn't without his head.

My legs lost all power. I fell down, the knife I held slipped through my fingers and landed in the grass. There were so many corpses around, but this one really got me. The poor old man, who kept believing in survival, kept his faith and hopes all this time, had fallen.

My tears landed on the yellowish skin he'd gotten, making small drawings on the face of the poor guy. I wanted to throw my head back and scream, but I knew I shouldn't. People aren't immortal. There's nothing to do but to accept it.

Somehow, I managed to stand up again. The sighting of the prison was a blur, and I had no hopes of finding anything else inside the building. My legs started moving towards it anyway. I recognized many faces of people who'd turned, people who'd lived in the new community which was created inside this prison. Elderly, children, all of them. After a while, I was afraid to look. Afraid I might see his face there too.

There was no sign of anyone being alive in any of the cellblocks. Most of them were just full of the undead, so much I couldn't even enter. This was all there was left. A head and an empty kingdom.

I stumbled upon the cell which I used to call 'my room'. I was surprised to see all of the belongings I left behind were still there. Right where I left them.

A chair in the corner, with a small pile of dusty comic books. On the ground beneath it lay my dried out mascara and some cover up powder. And my shampoo. The blankets still had the same sheets with rose patterns. On the wall across of the bunker bed still hung a poster of my favourite superhero. It occurred to me _he_ must've thought I would come back some day.

I sat down on the bunker bed. The lower one was mine. I remember sitting here together with him, talking about everything and nothing. When there wasn't anything for us to do, we'd hang around here. We did nothing particular, and those are the happies memories I could think of.

I rested my head on the dusty pillow. The first time I did that, I cried all night long. Although I'd never admit it, I was scared. Afraid, of these new people, who so cruelly killed two people of my new family. I was angry at Ash for getting us in this mess. I was mad at fate for the strange circumstances the new group welcomed us into their home. It didn't make sense at all.

I convinced myself I had to leave. There was nothing for me here anymore. They weren't here anymore. Which was a good thing, because they might've survived. Perhaps I could find some tracks or something outside. I had no idea how to drive, so a vehicle would be pointless unless it was a bicycle of some sort.

With my head I searched underneath the pillow. I always kept a knife there. Under the bed, if I remembered it correctly, I kept a small backpack with the tent I used to sleep in before. It wouldn't hurt to bring the shampoo as well, and maybe some of the comic books for when I couldn't sleep. This was the day I'd stop walking around like a dead girl. This was the way it was gonna go from now on.

I grabbed all my belongings together and even changed clothes, now that I was there anyway. My messy hair I put up in a ponytail and decided not to look in the mirror, otherwise I'd still be there till the next morning.

Then I went on my way, looking for the people who changed everything. The first lead I got was a trail of dried blood. There were several of them, but this one was different, because I found the gun one of the people always used. And old fashioned one, which he carried around his belt. I thought that once I found them this person might want it back, so I stuffed it in my backpack. Following the trail, I ended up in several places they must've rested for the night. The blood trail stopped at a certain house, where I found several dead bodies. Some of them turned, and it was a real pain just opening the door. It was at this house where I found an empty can of chocolate pudding and a spoon. I was jealous of the person who got the pleasure of eating that on his own.

In one of the bedrooms, I found a shirt, covered in blood. My heart skipped a beat. None of the faces of the walkers were theirs, but if they were fatally wounded I really had to hurry. And according to the mould growing on the remains of the chocolate pudding it must've been a while back since they stayed here.

I took the shirt in my hands. It was a bit too baggy to be _his_ , but in my mind I could see him wear it. A lot of time had passed as well since I last saw him, so he might've grown a bit. Hesitantly, I brought the filthy shirt up to my nose, and smelled. The butterflies in my stomach told me this was _his._ This was the house he stayed in for a short while. I couldn't be far behind.

Even knowing that, I stayed for a bit, standing there with a filthy shirt pressed against my face and crying my eyes out. I must've looked ridiculous, and I just hoped all those guys were really dead. That shirt really screwed me up that day.

And the stupidest thing is; I kept smelling that shirt every single day. It didn't help a thing, but it reminded me of what it was like to be around him. This was the only thing I had of him, and my most precious possession I had at that time.

I continued my search, often walking in circles. I had no new lead to follow as the blood trail had stopped. I mostly just randomly chose a direction to in, hoping that would take me to them. It was after my eighth attempt I stumbled upon a sign. There was this place called 'Terminus' which was supposed to be a new community for survivors. I figured now that the prison had fallen they might take their chances at this place. And the people who hung up the sign must've been really eager to meet new friends, as they even added a map to their slang. Now I wasn't the best tracker or girl scout in the world, but it at least gave me hope of finding them.

It came to a point where I followed a railroad. That somehow felt really exciting, as I'd never walked on one before. I kept thinking I should watch out for trains, but there were none of course. What I should've though about was the fact that I was an easy target for an ambush while walking there, but I was afraid I might go into the wrong direction if I changed course again.

With every step, I felt like I was getting closer. According to the maps, I was indeed nearing that community, but that wasn't the only thing that kept me nervous. I got more and more the feeling that _he_ was there, waiting for me at the gates. After a while, I even realized I was smiling. And it felt so good.

Then the track ended, and I had to follow a path through the woods again. There weren't any walkers around, which I saw as a sign these people had good defences. This community almost sounded like heaven.

That was until I saw smoke rising from the place it should be. I stopped in my tracks, my hand trembling. This couldn't be. Not again.

And that is where I am now. Standing in front of another sign, hung up against a tree. Someone wrote above it with paint or something. 'Don't go to Terminus' is what I read.

I close my eyes, my legs give in. After all this time, this is all I can find? Smoke and crushed hopes?

"Where am I supposed to go then?!" I shout at the map, but it's not saying anything back.

I'm alone.

Again.


	3. Chapter 2: Tomorrow, maybe

**Heya! New chapter. Yay. Have so many ideas for this story, but here's just a little fluff to start off :)**

 **(Disclaimer: I don't own The Walking Dead)**

 **Enjoy! ;)**

 _Chapter 2: Tomorrow, maybe_

" _You leaving?"_

 _She nods slowly. "Yeah, I have to. I can't stay here any longer, after Ash…"_

 _I tighten my grip around her slim arm, and squeeze softly. "Will you come back?"_

 _She shrugs slightly. "Maybe."_

" _Then, just if it were to happen that we're never gonna see each other again, can I give you something?"_

 _I dare to let go of her arm, and push myself up from my pillow. Pain striks through my head and breathing suddenly seems difficult. My eyes spin a little, and I feel so tired, but I can't let our last moment together go to waste._

" _I want to give you something" I manage to say. "Come closer." She frowns, but bows forward, leaning with one hand on the side of the bed. But still too far away. "Closer."_

 _She leans forward a little more, about to fall on top of me. The light coming from a window outside the cell shines through her brown hair and lights up all the pretty parts of her face. Her light eyes speak of nothing but confusion. "What are you-"_

 _I don't let her finish. The kiss I plant on her soft lips smothers the last sentence she ever says to me._

The weeks that passed after her depart, I spent every morning before breakfast staring at the borders of the forest. Every single day, I hoped I'd see her somewhere, hidden in the bushes. An hand waving at me. Maybe some yelling.

Hershel was the first one to notice she was gone. He was also wise enough to come to me first, instead of the others.

"I don't know where she went" I'd answered. He'd nodded slowly.

When my dad heard the news, the first thing he wanted to do was go look for her. He couldn't understand why I'd let her go off that easily. I honestly didn't even know myself.

There were many times I just wished I'd just tied her to my bed till morning, in the hopes she'd let go of that stupid idea. Then I wondered if that would've changed anything. She was the most stubborn person I knew. If she hadn't left that night, she'd do so in the next.

She apparently snuck out from the weakest point in the fences surrounding the prison. No one had seen her leave. Maggie was on watch that night and, the kind person she is, kept blaming herself. I knew exactly how she felt.

The search party did go out, but came back with nothing. There was a long trail going up a river, continuing at the other side, but died out after a mile or so. I already told them she was determined to leave.

That we were the reason of that, I didn't.

As time passed, I stopped looking less at the borders of the forest. Some say that once you stop searching, you find what you're looking for. That wasn't the ideology I had. I just lost hope. I told myself to accept the fact that she was gone, and I was never going to see her again.

When the prison fell, the borders of the forest was the first thing I looked at. Not because of the possibility of her suddenly standing between the trees, but because I was carrying my fatally wounded father away from a war zone. The Governor suddenly turned up again, and he destroyed everything we had. Well, almost everything.

What remains of the prison today, are our memories. The memories I made with her.

It were those memories I clung to as me and my dad survived together. It was what kept me going, I think. Maybe that was also what brought Michonne to us. Despite having lost everything, everyone, we still had hope somehow. That's what I'd believed at the time, at least. I might just have gotten the habit of acting stubborn, which she left behind. The stubbornness of not giving in to anything that gets thrown at you, good or bad. At the time, me and my dad believed we'd lost Judith. My baby sister, dead. How the hell was I going to recover from that? Well, I didn't. I just refused to give in.

It didn't matter anyway. Only weeks after, I was holding my baby sister in my arms again, and she was alive for sure. How Carol and Tyrese managed to do that, I don't know.

It is either stubbornness or hopes for the future that brought us to the church of Father Gabriel, after the disaster that was Terminus. His welcome wasn't warm, but the inside of the building was. And with an infant among us, he couldn't really refuse.

I hadn't thought about Alexa after the fall of the prison. There was no room in my head to worry about her whereabouts as well. Once we reached that church, and we were all fed, warm and save, there was room to worry.

Now there is room to worry. Judith's head lays on my chest and she's snoring slightly. I wrapped her up in some blanket, like a little baby burrito. Michonne asks if she should take Judy to bed, but I decline. She might wake up if she's moved, and I honestly don't mind having her sleep and drool on me after thinking she was dead for the longest time.

With the soft snoring in the background, I call forth the images in my head that I have of Alexa. The shyly smile she gave me after I kissed her. Her eyes that said the words her mouth couldn't. _"Idiot."_

She only brought one backpack with her. She had two, the other one stuffed under her bed. It didn't matter how many people arrived after her in the prison, none of them could have her bed, I made sure of that. I had nothing of her, nothing to remind me of her. Only the things she left behind.

Today, Daryl returned from whatever he was doing out in the woods. Carol had been kidnapped, and we were going to rescue her tomorrow. Beth is supposed to be in the same place as well. After we've rescued both of them, we'll head for Washington. That's the plan. A shitty plan. As if we're ever gonna get out of this mess.

"Hey" a voice suddenly says. I look up. My dad. He holds out his arms. Judith's drool is almost stuck to my shirt as I hand her over to our father. Dad sits down, Judy still snoring peacefully. "You alright?"

He's not looking straight at me, but I know he's asking me. I shrug. "I'm alright. Things will be alright. Right?"

Dad softly rubs Judith's back with his hand. Her head is placed right under dad's chin and they fit together like two puzzle pieces. Judith's sleeping body moves up and down when dad sighs. "Of course. We'll make it alright." His voice fades a little, as if he's not sure of his own words. "I've just been thinking. About…your friend."

I frown. "You did?"

My dad's still not looking at me, and I suddenly notice how tired he is. He barely has the energy to nod slowly, just so Judith won't wake up. "She's left a long time ago, hasn't she? On her own?"

I don't answer, but instead try to figure out why he's asking about her now. The few times we spoke about her, was the times when he scolded me for not trying to change her mind. I didn't understand why my dad would worry about her. For all I knew, she was still kind of an outsider. Her friend Ash, he sure was a contribution to our group. But she wasn't. She was more like me: someone who should be protected. Maybe that's why my dad's worried.

"Did I ever tell you about Morgan?" he continues. Despite the nature of the conversation, I still chuckle.

"Of course, dad. I even met the guy." I can still see the speers and several traps covering an entire street and the shouting of that man who'd absolutely lost it.

"Then you might remember that I used to leave messages for him, right?"

I nod. Back in the day, just when my dad had suddenly turned out to be alive, he would sit down with a walkie-talkie pressed to his mouth, talking to anyone listening at the other end. When we left for the CDC, he even arranged for a car to be at our camping side, with a map to where we were heading. When the CDC turned out to be a lost cost, he stopped doing that. He gave up. And I know he partially blames himself for the state that Morgan was in last time we saw him.

"That girl…I just hope she's ok."

I suddenly feel cold. "Wait…you mean to say that she might…"

My dad slowly shakes his head, still not looking me in the eyes. "I'm not sure. There isn't anything we can do to check, but there is something else we can do."

"Like what?"

My dad sighs. "Well, if she were to return, like you said she may, where would she head to?"

I bite my lip. "The prison…"

"Yeah. She might've spotted the signs to Terminus as well…"

From the corner of my eye, I can still see the blood dripping from the wall. The massacre was only a couple nights ago. Terminus has fallen, just like the prison. This church isn't a safe haven either, which is why we'll be leaving in the morning. The cars we've arranged won't guarantee a safe trip either, we might not even make it there. But at least we're still together.

She has no one.

"Just to be sure" my dad continues, "I think we should leave something behind. For her."

"You really think she'll be able to find this place?"

A slight grin appears around my dad's lips, which is a rare sight. It's almost scary. "I'm not sure. But what I do know, is that she means something to you."

I bow my head, allowing the shadow of my hat to cover my face. His grin was already scary, but now I'm hearing something that's supposed to be some kind of chuckle.

"It's not that hard to notice."

"Shut up."

I feel my dad's hand on my head, and I almost feel like I'm little again. I think he got me and Judy mixed up or something.

"I'll try to draw some kind of map in the morning" he says. "It's at least something."

The hand leaves my head, and I suddenly feel the urge to ask if he could keep it there a little longer. I can't believe my dad is willing to do something like that. It's a useless plan, there is no way she'll be able to find us if we're traveling by car and she's on foot. And who knows; our paths might even change again once we're in Washington. We can't always keep leaving maps and notes behind for her. And what if the wrong people find it? Residents of Terminus, or maybe even Woodbury? The plan is just plain stupid, stupid, stupid. But also brilliant.

"Thanks, dad" I mumble. If I were a few years younger, I'd probably hugged him or something. But now I'm too occupied with hiding the mess that is my face.

It's not like the plan is going to work. There is no way I'll ever see Alexa again, not like this. But it's not really about that. It's more like a sign of respect. My dad believes she's still alive, that she is strong enough to keep living. Assuming she is alive is a huge compliment.

The next morning, I place the map with a tiny note just around the corner of the entrance. Not everyone might see it at first, but I just hope she will. I double check if I really put the note there with it, because I really want her to read it. If she ever sees it. If she's still alive.


	4. Chapter 3: A Creepy Friend

**Can you smell it? The sweaty palms I used to write this chapter with? Or type, or whatever. Good luck getting this out of your mind.**

 **(Disclaimer: I'm not weird. Leave me alone)**

 **Enjoy! ;)**

 _Chapter 3: A Creepy Friend_

There are only little perks of being alone. Things like scavenging for food are easier, because you only need to watch out for yourself and you also don't have to share everything you find. Traveling is easier as well, because no one has to wait for you while you have your pee break. And you can move at your own pace.

But that's about as far as I can look on the bright side. Being alone sucks. At night, there is no one who can keep watch while you sleep. Not watch _you_ while you sleep, but check the area for any walkers or people who might try to kill you. Or just everything, because everything tries to kill you nowadays.

Another thing that sucks, is that there is no one to converse with. I'm not much of a talker or anything, but I've kind of forgotten the sound of my own voice. After that time I screamed at some sign crushing all my hopes, I pretty much kept my mouth shut.

Oh, another thing is that you basically go crazy and think that a bloody shirt that smells like the guy that kissed you is your only friend. That's the state I am in right now.

After that whole disaster that was Terminus, I found shelter in this old shed which seemed conveniently close by. It's also not that far away from a grocery store. Despite being suspicious as hell, I decided to spend the night that cosy shed.

Up to this point, I'd built a bubble of loneliness around me. It's formed when you don't have any contact with other still-a-bit-sane humans, or just avoid people in general. You really start to think you're the only person still alive. The bubble is quite solid and not that easy to crush. That's what I thought, at least.

Everything was fine so far. I'd made myself comfortable on the floor of the small shed and tried to ignore all the shrieking sounds the old wood was making constantly. I actually slept really nice. All was good, until I opened the door and found a note.

This note had three words written on it; _from a friend._ Splash, there goes the bubble. Ironically enough, underneath the note stood a bottle of water. I didn't see it at first, because I was too busy realizing there was someone watching me. I wasn't alone. The thought should bring me happiness, but when you're supposed to be alone and it turns out you're not, it's just scary as hell.

Because I'm freaking out, I drop the note and just close the door, leaving the water outside. Loads of scary things go through my mind. What if the person is still watching me? What if he or she is outside right now? Who is this person that he or she is stalking me like this? Why is he or she suddenly my friend? If he or she was a real friend of mine, they'd just knock on the door and say their name, right? That's what Carl would do.

I take a deep breath, and rub my filthy hair out of my face. The shampoo I took with me from the prison hasn't been used yet. It's not like I care anymore. I should probably just cut it off.

No. Worry about that later. First things first; I need to get out of here.

I fold the sleeping bag I brought into a blob and try to push it back in my back pack. Carefully, I tie the special shirt around my hips. It might get dirty, but it's the only way to keep it close. I don't want to wear it, otherwise it might start to smell like me.

Unlucky for me, there is no backdoor in this shed. The only way out is through the same door this mysterious 'friend' placed the water bottle in front of. I gulp, taking one knife in my hand. First; check the area. Next; run further into the forest. Then; figure out what to do. If there's time; get some breakfast, because I'm hungry. I can't think straight when I'm hungry, so maybe this isn't a good plan at all.

I shake my head. Stop thinking. Just go.

I push the door open, almost trip over the water bottle that is still there, and scan with my eyes around the area. It's all just a brownish mess I can't make sense of. No shadows creeping anywhere, or other stalker-like figures.

Totally unsure of the situation, I just start running. No sense of direction whatsoever. Just opposite of Terminus, that's all I know.

And it just so seems my empty stomach takes over my brain, because I end up at the road opposite of the grocery store. I have no food left, but it's stupid to run up to a building like that in the middle of the day, with a creepy friend behind me.

Screw it. No turning back now.

I cross the road, the chance of a car nearing seems zero to nothing, so looking both ways is pointless. As if it's a casual shopping trip, I run up to the front door. It's definitely locked, but one of the windows is broken so I can get in. Without thinking, I jump through the broken glass. Tiny splinters work their way into my jeans and make millions of tiny scratches in the skin of my legs, but I don't stop. I'm too paranoid to think about bloody messes.

The inside of the store is dark and I can't really make sense of anything. I randomly run into one of the aisles, which is obviously empty. I press my back against the shelves, and just realize I haven't checked if there are any walkers inside. How stupid could I be?

Taking deep breaths, I try to calm down. I still have all my belongings, all my limbs are fine and I'm not fatally wounded. I'm alive, and it's going to be ok.

Closing my eyes, I sit down. I concentrate on my hearing, trying to pick up on any feet slipping over the floor in the way a walker would do. Or maybe the stealthy footsteps of my 'friend'. But there's nothing. No sound but my own pathetic breathing.

But I'm not relaxed at all. The stalker could be right outside, waiting for me to give up. Or maybe he'll enter the store right this very moment.

I despise being alone, but I've never wanted to be just that right now ever before in my life. Inside the shed, I was just fine. Everything was cool. Why the hell did I open that stupid door? I don't even remember why.

Alright, I completed step one. I got out. Step two totally failed, because I just ran in here instead of the forest. The third step is basically what I'm in right now, but knowing how stupid my stomach is I might as well go on to step four.

All the aisles of the store are empty, obviously. This place was probably raided long ago, but maybe, just maybe I'll find something useful. Maybe pudding.

Kneeling down, I'm able to look under the shelves. I spot a few cans of dogfood, but I'm not _that_ desperate. Staying close to the ground, I crawl alongside the aisle, sometimes moving my hand forward to grab something that looks edible. Unfortunately no pudding, but there are some dried tomatoes. No idea if they're any good, but at least it's not dogfood. No offense to dogs, the smiling Labrador on the picture was the cutest thing I'd seen in months, but thanks no thanks.

I stack the tomatoes in my backpack. With me being paranoid, I don't think it's safe to eat in here.

Since this is a grocery store, there must be a backdoor, otherwise there wouldn't be any goods in here. It needs to enter somehow.

I dare to look above the shelves, out the window. There is still no one there waiting for me. I don't know what I expected. Anything can happen in the world of the walking dead.

As quietly as I can, I make my way over to where I expect the backdoor to be. There is still no growling as I enter the storage. The stockings are pretty much empty as well, but I just so happen to find some canned corn. Lucky me.

I don't look any further as it is very dark and I don't want to use my flashlight, because my creepy friend might see it. Despite the darkness being dark, I manage to find something that looks like it could be a door. The greenish sign above it with the white stick man running towards a square suggests this could be the exit I'm looking for. A little hope arises inside of me. The perfect way out.

Too perfect. It's locked.

Looking for a key is useless. Another way out is the entrance, where the stalker is. Damnit.

With my back against the locked exit, I slide down to the ground. Why can't things be easy for once?

I'm not hungry anymore. There's just an empty feeling filling me up. Things will always be shitty for me, I suppose.

I don't think I'll be able to hear what's happening inside the store right now, and I probably won't see the stalker coming in the dark, but I also don't want to run up to him or her. That's what crazy people would do.

Well, I'm kind of crazy, I think. Getting all paranoid over a little note. Jeez.

In the dark, I smile. Yeah, I'm insane. Sitting there, grimacing to the ceiling.

Then something snaps. Something inside my brain suddenly switches. A sound entering my ears, my mind trying to figure out where it's coming from and what it signals. It's a gunshot.

I sit up straight, again grabbing a weapon of my own. For as far as I can tell, it's not coming from inside the store. It's outside, on the parking lot.

I gulp, and stand up. If someone's in danger, the first place they'll seek refuge in is inside the store. If it's my stalker, I'm screwed.

Damnit. I can't stay here, not without knowing what's going on. The only way to know, is to see. I have to get back.

More careful this time around, I go back into the maze of aisles. There's no one inside yet, I think, but the gunshots are getting louder.

As soon as I see a shadow running alongside the window, I instinctively hide behind one of the shelves. I count to ten, before taking a peek. Several walkers stumble by, some of them falling down when a bullet enters their brain. Blood splatters on the windows.

I can see their silhouettes moving, and there's a lot of them. They must've all come from the ruins of Terminus, because the herd just won't stop. There's no way I can get out without being seen. I have to wait till most of them are gone.

I dare to move closer to the windows, not making a sound. I don't think they'll hear me over their own footsteps, but I can't be too careful. Sitting close to the window I entered through I can hear the screams for help from the person being assaulted. It's a guy, that's all I can say. Somehow, that fits the character I'd thought would be a stalker of mine. It also makes it easier for me to run away and not feel guilty for not helping him. It's better to be alone.

The density of the herd is decreasing, and I decide to count to ten again before I jump out. I'm holding knifes in both my hands, knowing I'll have to use everything I have to escape. My fingers are sweaty, and I'm afraid my weapons will slip away, so I don't wait any longer.

I jump up, again move through the glass. My legs are already covered in blood, but I'm not thinking any more. There are still more walkers than I thought, but I don't stop to count. The guy who's in trouble stands on top of one of the lonely cars on the parking lot, shooting around aimlessly while walkers surround him. He can't be much older than I am, and sure isn't much better with a gun than me, but I'm not staying.

I turn around and run.


	5. Chapter 4: Between heaven and hell

**Heya!**

 **It is me, yes. I am alive, so much so that I barely have time to write. Apologies for not uploading for two weeks, but long story short: I just started with two new jobs, I'm moving out of my parents' house and I'm sick. A tragedy, I know.**

 **Still, I hope y'all will enjoy this chappie.**

 **(Disclaimer: ain't no money. I have to make burgers to get that)**

 **Enjoy! ;)**

 _Chapter 4: Between heaven and hell_

The gunshots have stopped. I'm probably too far away to hear any screams from the stranger I just left to die. And I'm happy I don't have to listen to that.

I haven't looked over my shoulder even once. I don't have to. There is only me, I don't need to care about anyone else but me. Not until I've met up with Carl.

I managed to find my way back into the forest. The herd is even larger in the back, but I managed to circle around them. Of course, I'm used to running away, but I'm no athlete. Exhaustion is taking over my body rapidly, and I'm afraid that if I stop running now, I'll collapse and never get up.

Long story short: I need a place to rest.

I imagine I won't find any conveniently placed sheds any more, and especially none which are able to keep the walkers out. I have a map, but not of this area, and I think that even if I had, I'd still be completely lost. Right now, my brain is separated from the muscles in my legs. They're two separate beings, and I don't want to be part of either of them. Why did I open the stupid door?

As if it's a sign from heaven, something white and pointy appears above the trees. It's the tip of a tower, or something. Judging by the little cross at the end, it must be some kind of church. I push the thought away of this being an odd place to put a church and even speed up a bit. There are so many ways this could go wrong; there could be people inside, there could be dead people inside, there could be undead people inside, there could be no doors or locks.

I might have shaken off the walkers for now, but after they've eaten that guy they'll probably choose some other direction. My luck is running out fast, so I'll probably be their next victim.

As I get closer to the church, the forest gets less crowded. As in the trees are getting smaller. Before I know it, I enter an open field, with the white church being in the middle. It's surrounded by several gravestones, and even a few newly added graves. The piles of fresh dirt have yet to become one with the grass.

Taking note of all those details, I run up to the porch. With my shoulder first I push the doors open. There isn't much force needed as the doors aren't locked, which causes me to launch myself into the building. With a thud I come down in the middle of the aisle. I already feel the exhaustion taking over my body, but I can't just yet.

With a groan I manage to push myself back on my feet and close the doors. I throw my backpack off and run over to the nearest church bench. With only little strength left I push it against the entrance of the church, where I can already hear the fists bumping on the wood and the nails scratching. The undead are here.

For as far as I can tell, there are no other entrances into this place. Or that's just what I tell myself.

With a sigh of relief, I let myself fall down to the floor. Everything hurts, even while lying on my back. Every muscle is still buzzing with energy, but I can't do anything anymore.

My eyelids feel heavy, and I can't keep my eyes open for much longer. Despite the danger, the bumping fists on the door and the growling has a calming effect on me. It's almost like meditation.

Despite having had a full night of sleep, I nap again, there, on the floor of a church, surrounded by heaven and hell.

* * *

Ever since I've been alone, I barely ever dream. Sleep is just closing and opening my eyes, with a few hours having passed between. When I wake inside the church, the first thing I notice is that the knockings on the doors have stopped. I assume they're still in the area, but at least there are no walkers at the doorstep.

I sit up. Judging from the light coming from a higher window, it's only late in the afternoon. When I ran, it was still morning. I've only been asleep for about three hours max. Totally fine, that means I can travel during the night.

Only problem is: where the hell do I go? I haven't come across any leads since Terminus. From what I remember of my time in the prison, there were barely ever talks about where to go if the place would fall one day. I don't think Rick ever considered that scenario. Things were going so well back then. Woodbury was gone for good, and although the Governor wasn't dead, the future looked promising. I thought that too. That I had a place to return to.

Maybe I do. Perhaps my place is next to Carl. Together with him. I sure hope so.

"Alright" I mumble softly to myself. It's the first time I hear my voice in a while, and it's not that breath taking as I imagined it to be. "Enough daydreaming."

I pull myself back on my feet. My legs still feel sore from running for so long, but at least I can stand, and almost walk like a normal human being.

Digging through my memory I try to figure out where I threw my backpack when I entered. I find it next to the door. A few of my belongings lay scattered around the floor because I was a bit aggressive when I pulled the bag off me. With a sigh I kneel down and start collecting the few things I own, until I come across something I don't remember having.

I only have one map. Now there's two.

Sitting down with my back against the wall, I frown at the folded paper. Maybe it belonged to the people who stayed here before me. According to the newly added graves outside the church, some horrible things happened here.

Letting the map lean on my lap, I start unfolding it. It's not a big map, not anymore. Some parts have been ripped off, as if they weren't important enough. The one who was thinking of which route to take marked it with a red pen, the road ending in Washington D.C. No idea why they'd go there. Perhaps they went looking for family or something.

Suddenly, a paper slips out of the folded ends. It lands next to me on the floor, and I suddenly feel nervous. It looks an awful lot like a letter. The people who stayed here left this behind for someone, no doubt about that.

I also realize I shouldn't be doing this. If there was someone they were waiting for, I shouldn't be going through their personal stuff.

I grab the letter without looking at it and fold it back together with the map. Without knowing where it came from, I just carefully place it next to the door, hoping the rightful person will somehow be able to find it.

I sigh, and go back to collecting the things which _are_ mine. Some comic books, unused shampoo, clothes, a bottle, a few cans of food, the remains of a tent. All very saddening.

When I think I have everything, I stand up, throwing the bag over my shoulder. The first thing I should do is probably look for anything useful in here. Perhaps I'll find another map or something.

When I'm about to head for the altar, where Jesus Christ is staring hopelessly out the window, there's a knock on the door.

An actual knock. In an actual human manner. From an actual human hand.

I freeze, one foot still mid-air. Someone saw me go in here. Shit.

I let myself fall down on the ground again, softer this time, and crawl underneath one of the benches. That way, if the stalker were to look through the window, he won't see me. Well, that's what I hope.

I try to calm down my breathing, while I stare at the entrance of the small church. There's a small space between the floor and the door, where a strain of sunlight enters the building. There are two shadows interrupting the light, which I think are two feet.

There's another knock, followed by a voice.

"Hello?" It's a male's voice, quite young. Maybe a few years older than me.

There's more knocking, louder this time. "Don't get this the wrong way, but….I saw you go in here. I don't mean any harm….I come as a friend."

A friend. So it is the stalker. Great.

I suddenly wonder if I should shout something back. Or maybe try to escape. He'll probably see me go through a window or something. Maybe there's some backdoor I don't know about?

"Please, just open up!" the guy shouts again. "There are still roamers out here, and it's just me!"

I decide to stay put. There's a huge possibility that he's lying. I'm pretty sure he's lying. Everyone lies.

"Look, I didn't know you'd be startled by a helping hand" the voice continues. "I'm just out here by myself because I'm looking for people like you. People who know how to survive." He pauses again, and I can see the shadows of his feet move about a bit. Suddenly, the shadows become bigger. I can see something being shoved underneath the door.

"Take a look. This is where I'm from. We like to call it a 'safe zone'. We're survivors, and I think you're a potential candidate to be recruited for our community."

The small papers appear to be pictures. Keeping my eyes on the shadows underneath the door, I dare to crawl closer. The pictures were taken in black and white, and show images of good looking houses, high walls and fences, and laughing faces. It's all looking too good to be true. It just can't be.

"I get it" the stalker at the other end of the door says, "I understand. It's tough accepting help when you're used to doing things by yourself. Hell, I was just the same. That's why I think you're fitting for-…shit."

I hear his feet slip over the porch as he dodges something. I hear a thud, blood streams into the church.

"Alright, I don't have much time now!" the guy says, louder and more desperate this time. "They're here, and there's a lot of them."

I hear some more cursing coming from the guy, and more and more footsteps from other feet echo from the outside. There is definitely a herd coming this way. If I don't act fast, he'll die.

That's what I think. But I can't move. I just can't . I'm frozen to the bone, staring at the shadows and listening to the desperate pleads of the guy, mixed with growling.

"Damnit!" he shouts, and a second later a gunshot sounds. That's when you know he's about to give up.

I still hold the picture of the smiling faces in my hands, but don't look at it. I'm afraid I'll start believing I could be one of those.

I couldn't be. Not without…

Screw it.

I throw the picture away from me, stand up, and start pulling the bench blocking the entrance away. The stairway to the porch is filled with walkers, with in the middle the stranger, fighting for his life.

"C'mon!" is all I can shout. The guy glances over his shoulder at the open doors, and doesn't waste any time. He pulls himself away from the walkers and throws himself into safety.

He falls onto his knees, but quickly gets up. Together, we manage to shut both doors.

"The bench!" I shout, and he nods. Together, we manage to block both doors.

This time around, there are so many walkers I almost think the door will break if they keep bumping at it any longer. But I only think that for a second.

I take the one and only pistol I have from my boot and turn towards the stranger, who's still catching his breath. As soon as he spots my weapon, he raises his arms in defeat.


	6. Chapter 5: See Through

**Hey guys,**

 **Sorry for being gone for so long. Yes, I am busy (moving out, full time job) so I didn't have much time to write, but this late upload wasn't entirely my fault. Something went wrong with the Doc Manager, which was very frustrating. For some reason I wasn't able to convert my Word documents onto the website. I literally tried every single day to get this up, and now that you're reading this, it means I have succeeded. I'm glad and also still very irritated, so please excuse me for this useless rant about how hard my life is.**

 **(Disclaimer; With all the effort I put in to it, it would almost seem as if I make money off of it. But no)**

 **Enjoy! ;)**

 _Chapter 5: See Through_

"Sit down" I command. The stranger stalker glances at the door, which still looks like it's about to break. But I don't care.

"Sit down!" I say louder this time. The guy raises one eyebrow, but obeys. He sits down at one of the benches, his arms still raised.

"Just…calm down…"

I narrow my eyes. Things like this only make me angrier. "Don't tell me to calm down, jerk!"

The stranger seems to smirk, which I totally hate. "Why am I a jerk? I told you the truth, didn't I?"

I chuckle. "That community of yours? No way I'd believe that."

The stranger seems to sigh, and despite me having my finger on the trigger, he seems rather calm. "That's not what I mean. I said I was alone. I am." He frowns at his right arm. "Can I drop these now? It kinda starts to hurt."

I take a step towards him, the barrel of the gun pointed at his forehead. "Not unless I say so. And I haven't yet, have I?"

The guy slightly rolls his brown eyes, as if he's tired of this situation. So am I. I shouldn't have let him inside.

"You're not going to shoot me."

Grinding my teeth, I push the barrel of the gun against his forehead, right underneath his stupid goldish hair, which might just be fake too. I hate him. "Watch me."

He still doesn't seem impressed by my threats, and even looks annoyed. "Alright, cowgirl. But before you do: give me a chance to change your mind."

"By telling more lies?!" My voice sounds louder than I intended, and the bumping at the door intensifies. Fear crosses the face of the stranger for a second, which is good. He needs to know I'm not kidding.

"OK" he says with a sigh, "then let me tell you something about myself. My name is Henry, born and raised in a small town in Virginia-"

"Then you're an awful long way from home" I interrupt him, without thinking. Now it almost seems as if I'm interested. I'm not.

 _Then why haven't I shot him yet?_

The stranger named Henry nods. "Yup. I went out recruiting about a month ago, with one other guy. We lost the car..." Mid-sentence of his barraging manner of speak, he suddenly pauses. "…it's just me now."

With that said, Henry goes back to staring at me, his arms still raised. He has some stupid grin around his lips that annoys me, as if he's got it all figured out. But honestly; he looks and sounds like shit. He's probably sick, hungry, and just done with everything. And yet he keeps grinning. What an idiot.

To my own surprise, I lower my gun, and sigh. I don't know what's wrong with me. I've killed before. Why can't I do it now?

Henry sees this as a sign he can lower his arms, and I don't stop him.

I just don't know what to do. I'm stuck here with this random stalker, a herd of walkers outside and no means of escape. And I was on my way to Carl, and now this guy says there's a safe zone. I don't know what to believe. And why won't he stop smiling?!

"Well, now that we're on better terms" he even dares to say. As if we're actually good now. Hell no. "I'd like to know who you are. Again, don't get this the wrong way, but I've been watching you for some time now…and I think we almost met once. But then you decided to run off and save your own skin, which I totally understand." He pauses there, as if he expects me to apologize, or otherwise tell him I feel guilty about what happened at the grocery store. Obviously he's the same guy. But I wouldn't go out of my way to save a stranger.

Well, sometimes. I let him in inside the church, didn't I?

I sit down at a bench from the other row, across of Henry the Stalker. I still hold the pistol in my hand, because this still doesn't mean we're all cool. For a second, the thought of using a fake name crosses my mind.

"Alexa" I eventually say. Too much unnecessary troubles. Just this stupid name my now dead parents gave me is enough.

Henry nods. "Alright. Nice to meet you, Alexa. Though I don't expect you to think the same."

I don't respond. No matter how charming he tries to be, I'm not buying it. I won't let myself fall for that stupid trick. He's dangerous, he's stupid. He's just an idiot.

"Right" he says after an awkward silence. "So? What do you say?"

"About what?" I sneer, moving the gun around in my hand to let him now I'm still in control. Henry only glances at it for a second, and already seems to forget about it as soon as he looks back at me.

"Would you want to come to the Alexandria Safe Zone?"

What a stupid name.

"Nope" is my answer. "I got other business to attend to. And even if I didn't have that, I still wouldn't go on happy adventure with someone like you."

Henry lifts one of his bushy eyebrows, and it almost seems a habit of his. It's annoying. "Someone like me? Please explain…what does someone like me look like?"

I roll my eyes. "Someone who thinks too highly of himself, who thinks he's got it all figured out. I hate that."

There still aren't any cracks in the mask Henry is wearing. That stupid smirk. It's unbreakable. "Fair enough. But let me say something about someone like you." He takes a deep breath, as if he's preparing for something. I instinctively tighten the grip around my gun. Then it begins.

"You've probably got a real sad backstory like everybody else here, which nobody really cares about because we all have had and have a rough time.

You can kill, but would rather not.

You're fine being on your own, but you'd rather be alone together with someone else.

You're angry at yourself for letting the people you care about slip through your hands and would give up anything to be with them again.

You're desperately looking for them, but deep inside you already know you're failing.

There's no way you'll ever see them again-"

"Shut up!" I shout. I quickly get up from my spot, holding the gun in front of me again. The walkers at the door start scratching at the wood again, growling in hunger. I've rung the dinner bell once again.

Henry's mask has finally dropped. His face now has a serious expression. His lips are a thin stripe, his eyebrows don't move around weirdly, and for once, his eyes don't twinkle like they did before. He's looking at me differently.

And that's all he does. He stares at me with those eyes. Yet it feels like he's stabbing me in the heart. I really, really hate him.

This time, I take the safety off the gun. Judging by the fact that Henry hadn't noticed it was on all this time tells me he doesn't know shit about guns. _He's_ the failure here.

Yet he does it again. I drop my gun, and even turn my back on him. Not because I trust him, no way. I just don't want him to see my soaking face.

He sees right through me. I hate him.

Why do I keep telling myself I can find Carl? I don't have anything to go on. Nothing. Nada.

What am I supposed to do? Walk around aimlessly, hoping I just happen to stumble upon him? Or wait till he comes to me? As if that's ever going to happen.

All I have is this shirt. It's the only prove that up to that point, he was alive.

I look down at my hips, where I tied the shirt around back at the shed. I stare at my hips.

"Shit…" I whisper. "No…no no no no no no no no….."

All I can do is stutter, while stumbling on my two feet, looking down at myself. The gun slips through my fingers and hits the floor with a thud. I start touching my own stomach, hoping that I just imagined it, praying I was just overlooking.

I lost the one thing I had of him.

"Alexa?"

Shit. He's still here. That fucking Henry.

Then it hits me. Back at the grocery store. The shirt must've slipped off when I went through the window to escape. It's probably still there.

And it's because of this fucker, who just had to follow me around and attract a herd of walkers. It's his fault.

I slowly turn around, feeling madness overflow me. "You…you did this!"

Henry's mask almost seems to be restored, but his eyes speak of confusion. That idiot has no idea what he did. "I'm sorry?"

I take a step towards him. "It's because of you that I lost it!"

His bushy eyebrows rise far up his forehead, where they're almost covered by his blonde hair. He carefully stands up from the bench, holding his hands in front of him. "I honestly have no idea what you're talking about."

"Of course you don't!" I shout, and once again, we're reminded that we're stuck. The walkers are not about to leave any time soon, which only makes the possibility of me getting the shirt back smaller. "You don't know shit!"

Henry opens and shuts his mouth, as if he needs to revaluate his choice of words. "True. I'm just a people's person, that's all. But I'm also just a person."

"Shut up!" I shout back at him. The walkers are going crazy at the other end of the door, and Henry anxiously glances over and then back at me.

"Ok, so you lost something. Something precious, I presume?"

He's pathetic. Judging me for saving my own skin, and here he is. Talking all big, trying to keep himself from being attacked by me.

I honestly don't understand why he's scared, though. He's much taller than I am, and appears to be stronger as well. But like he said himself; I'm a survivor.

"And you think it is my fault?"

"I don't think it, I know it!" I sneer back at him, feeling a rush of emotion and adrenaline stream through me. I should've left him outside. I should've shot him.

Henry nods slowly. "Fair enough. But what if I offer you my help retrieving what you've lost?"

"Liar!" I scream, my voice breaking at the end. I hate him so much.

"Just…consider it, alright?"

There are definitely tears. I can feel them dripping from my chin to my neck. I hate that I show weakness. Damn, I even promised myself once not to cry ever again. And here I am, screaming at my stalker for losing a dirty shirt.

"Don't 'alright' me" I grumble, but my voice isn't as strong as it was before. Despite the amount of sleep I've gotten over the past few days, I suddenly feel tired again. I can't do it anymore. I just can't.

There's shrieking sound. They've gotten through.

I glare over my shoulder, feeling even more adrenaline than before. The first head appears, and growling echoes through the space. They're here.

I know I should run. Get my backpack and try to find a backdoor or something. Or still go through a window, hoping they haven't surrounded the entire place yet. Run for my life. Again.

But I don't want to.

Let them come.

"Damnit" I hear Henry say. There's no escaping it. And it pleasures me to know that he's going down with me.

I hear him running around like a panicking chicken, while I just stare at the increasing amount of undead.

For some reason, my eyes go over to the spot where I put the map back. I start wondering. Who the person was they were waiting for.


	7. Chapter 6: Death Wish

**Eyo it's me ^^**

 **Back at it again, 'nother chappie. No rant this time, don't worry. Milka chocolate was on sale today so I'm feeling fine.**

 **(Disclaimer: someone make me a Daryl Dixon chocolate figure plz)**

 **Enjoy! ;)**

 _Chapter 6: Death Wish_

I hate Henry. I really do. I've said it so many times already, but I can't stop thinking it. He ruined everything.

First, I lost Carl's shirt, and then offered to help me find it, which he saw as an opportunity to gain my trust. Next, he saved me from the death I wanted.

While I still stand there, staring at some sick version of a grim reaper entering the small safe space, Henry grabs my hand.

"C'mon, we gotta go!" he says, while he attempts to drag me along with him. But I resist, and manage to free myself from his grip. His face speaks genuine confusion. He doesn't understand my reasoning, for once. His eyebrows form a downwards spiral when he realizes what I'm about to do. "No way. Alexa, I'm not letting you die here."

I take a few steps away from him, into the direction of the door. They've almost broken through. Just a few more steps, and they've got me.

"Just shut up" I say softly. "You don't have the right to care."

Henry seems more desperate than annoyed, and that makes me hate him even more. Back at the grocery store I left him to die. Does he not get the memo?

"I can get you out of here, and get your precious thing back" he says. "I promise, I do! It's my fault you lost it, I get it!"

"Don't patronize me!" I sneer. He thinks he can just repeat my words and then persuade me into going with him. "Do you think I'm stupid?! I'm never getting it back, and I'll never find him! You said it yourself!"

I can feel the air from outside entering the church hall. It's only a matter of time before the walkers manage to push the bench away and fully enter.

Henry's face without the mask is easy to read. He regrets ever speaking to me like he knows all about everything. Because this is what happens.

"Ok, how about this; I help you find the person you're looking for."

Almost like a habit, my eyes widen. I can't control it. I feel furious. How dare he think he can just make stupid promises, thinking I'll agree to live another day?! I don't want to have anything to do with this disgusting excuse for a guy called 'Henry'. He ruined everything, and he'll keep doing it if I stay around him. He's just a person like that.

" _You leaving?"_

Suddenly, I see Carl lying in his bunker bed.

 _I nod slowly. "Yeah, I have to. I can't stay here any longer, after Ash…"_

Why am I remembering this now?

 _He takes stronger hold of my arm, and I'm afraid he won't let go that easily. "Will you come back?"_

I can almost feel his hand around my arm again.

 _I shrug. "Maybe."_

The walkers are pushing the bench away.

" _Then, just if it were to happen that we're never gonna see each other again, can I give you something?"_

 _He lets go of my arm, so he can help himself up. He grunts when the pain strikes his head, and I feel even more guilty. I help him sit up straight, and then sit down on the side of the bed. Carl pants weakly, and it looks like he's almost falling asleep again._

" _I want to give you something" he whispers. "Come closer." I lean forward a little. "Closer."_

 _I have to grab the side of the bed not to fall on top of him. "What are you-"_

 _Then he plants a kiss on my lips._

Before I know it, I'm running towards the bench where my backpack still lays. I grab hold of it, and throw it over my shoulder. Henry sputters in confusion, but I ignore him. That shithead won't understand.

As I stand between the benches, I can see the folded map, with the letter inside of it. It makes me hesitate.

This place is about to fall down. There's no way the person is going to find the map with the letter.

I rush over to the door, which confuses Henry even more. Ducking underneath the grasping arms, I pick up the folded papers off the ground. The walkers are breaking through, they've entered the church hall.

I can barely keep ahead of them, but as soon as I'm running, I feel calm again. Not the weird kind of calm like before. I just remember why I'm out here again.

I instinctively run to the farthest window from the entrance, and start shoving another church bench underneath it, in the hopes I might be able to climb up. It's still too high.

"Wait!" Henry's voice sounds. The idiot followed me. The walkers are only a foot behind us. Why did I hesitate again?

Henry makes a bowl of his hand. "I'll give you a push up."

I frown, but know we don't have much time. Henry steps up the bench, squatting down and holding his hands together. I place my boot in the little bowl. Henry launches me upwards, far enough for me to grab the sides of the wall. With one kick I break the beautifully coloured glass, and without thinking I let myself fall down.

The distance between the window and the ground is greater than I thought, but I manage not to hurt myself. Just a second behind me Henry appears, and he is clumsy enough to actually hurt himself. His hand. How the hell do you…you know what, doesn't matter.

I start running in the opposite direction of the entrance of the church, to where the area is less crowded with walkers. Just like before, I don't look back. And I'm not planning on waiting for that bastard to catch up.

It feels like an actual video game. Duck, jump, dodge, dash. Both green and undead are my enemies. Oh, and also an idiot called Henry.

It is when I find refuge in a ditch just over a hill that I realize he's still with me. Or he makes himself stay with me. I probably forgot to take my gun with me, which is a shame.

He even dares to casually land next to me in the mud, as if we're on fricking holiday. I'm too exhausted to protest, although I'd love to punch his teeth out.

We lay there for a while, both panting our lungs out, staring at the sky above, which is covered with red clouds. It's almost turning dark, and all I want to do is sleep again. But I can't do that, not without the shirt.

I push myself up, and try to spot any danger in the twilight. Most silhouettes are far away, and mostly alone. No real danger here.

Standing up, I pat the mud of my jeans. I wonder what my hair looks like. I should really cut it off.

"Hey" Henry suddenly says. Instead of turning around to face him, I start walking away. I can't have him thinking that we're a team now, or something idiotic like that. I'm fine on my own. I'm going to get my shirt and find Carl.

"You dropped something."

I stop, and search through my pockets. The map.

When I turn around, that jerk has opened up the map and found the letter. And he's reading it. I want to protest, but then I wonder why I should care. It's not mine.

Henry's bushy eyebrows rise into his blonde hair as he's reading. He seems to stop after the first passage, and then hands it to me. "Sorry. Didn't know it was personal."

I frown, hesitantly taking the letter into my hands. "What the…"

 _Alexa,_

 _If you're reading this, that means you're alive. I'm glad._

 _It also means that we've already left this place. After the prison fell, we met some new people on the road who might be able to create a cure for the walker virus. My dad wants us to head for Washington to see if we can do anything._

 _As you can see on the map, we're first making a stop at a community in Virginia. One of the newer people, Noah, used to live there. He says it's secure, so we thought it was worth to check out._

 _If it turns out to be nothing, we'll just keep going towards Washington. I hope you can catch up._

 _I know this may sound weird, but I miss having you around. Real cheezy and silly, and I know you hate that._

 _After you left, I wasn't the only one who was worried. My dad even arranged a search party, but they weren't able to find you. Some of the group think you're dead, although they don't say that out loud._

 _I don't think it's wrong to have a little bit of hope._

 _I wanted to put a cool comic book quote right about here, but I can't think of any that tell you what I can't put into words myself. I know, I'm stupid._

 _Just come back soon._

 _Carl._

I read the letter three times over. I try to remember every sentence, every word, every letter, every movement the pencil made. I never knew he had this shitty of a handwriting.

But it really is him. No one is stupid enough to put write down their entire plan on paper for anyone to find, just hoping the one who it's addressed to finds it before someone else.

I bring the paper closer to my face, as if by that I can feel him closer. Nope, just a paper.

I fold it up carefully, and make sure I put it somewhere in my backpack where it won't get damaged or get lost. I need to keep it close, even closer than the shirt. Which I'm going to get back for sure.

Henry is up on his feet as well. He's holding the unfolded map in front of him, turning and twisting it like the idiot he is.

"Is this where you're going?"

Before I answer, I take the map from his hands. He has his mask on again, and it annoys me. Everything he does annoys me. Him just being here is annoying.

"None of your damn business."

As I put the map with the letter in my backpack, Henry tries to save himself again with his pretty words. "You know, Alexandria is on that route as well. If you want, I can take you there for a pit stop. You could rest up, refill your supplies. I owe you that much."

Despite my hatred for him, I can smirk. "Stop trying already. I'm not going with you to that wonderland of yours. I have other priorities right now."

I turn around, ready to walk away from him. But he's not done with me.

"Are you kidding me? You'd refuse an offer like that?"

I fasten my pace, but he still manages to catch up with me. He tries to catch my eyes, but I keep turning my face away from him.

Eventually, he just blocks my path. I almost bump into his big chest. I try to move past him, but he just steps sideways, blocking my path again.

"I'm really trying to help you, alright?" he continues, and he sounds troubled. But I don't care.

"Look, I'm not just being silly." I look up, to make sure he remembers my words. "It's not that I don't believe there is a community. It's you."

His eyes tremble a little when I say that, and I can see him gulp. If I didn't hate him so much, I'd almost say he looked handsome.

Without saying another word, I walk past him. It feels good to have him stunned like that. I hope he stays that way for a long time, and goes back to his stupid community and stays there.

I suddenly blink. This is the first time I haven't wished him dead.


	8. Chapter 7: Shirtless

_Chapter 7: Shirtless_

I'm not sure where the grocery store is again, and I'm absolutely not sure about what I'm about to do. The only sure thing I know about the way to the grocery store, is that I have to pass the church again. Otherwise I'll never find something familiar that could lead me to where I need to be.

Hiding out in the bushes, I can see the walkers strolling around the graveyard. The newly added graves are a mess. The undead completely ruined it for the ones who are lying underneath the ground.

I take a deep breath, and try to think of a plan. I could outrun them for a mile, but as soon as they crouch together, I have no chance of getting through. I need some kind of diversion.

I start looking through my backpack, searching for something useful. I hope to find a flare or something, or perhaps something I can set on fire other than my comic books.

"Shit" I mumble. I have to cross this open field, but it's just too crowded. It's all because of that stupid Henry. I hope he rots away in his stupid community.

"Pssh" I suddenly hear behind me. Instinctively, I take a knife in one of my hands. Glaring over my shoulder, I spot Henry squatting down behind a tree not far away from me. I grunt in annoyance. Why won't this guy understand?!

Staying low, Henry crouches towards me. The thought of me putting my knife in his throat crosses my mind, but only for a split second.

"I'll go over there" Henry whispers, pointing at the most crowded area. "I'll draw them away."

I evade his eyes. I don't get him. I just said I don't want to have anything to do with him. If I were him and the world was ending, I'd choose for myself. I've been doing that all along.

Why does he keep showing up for no reason?

"I'll go on five" he continues, despite me not having agreed to this suicide plan of his. What is he trying to prove? He doesn't even know me. Why is he trying so hard?

I listen as he counts down, his breathing trembles a bit. It's easy to tell he's exhausted. If I were him, I'd have gone back to that community right away, and wouldn't have bothered bringing anyone back as recruitment. Especially not someone like me.

"Yo, uglies!" Henry stands up, waving his arms around like an idiot. Several walkers look up, their dead eyes barely show surprise. The first one start stumbling towards Henry. My stalker looks sideways at me, nodding towards the gap in the herd. "Go."

I bite my lip, but don't hesitate any longer. This was his idea, not mine. It will be his own fault if he dies.

I pick up the pace, evading the grasping arms and hungry jaws of the living corpses. For the first time in a while, I dare to look over my shoulder. I never do that.

There's only walker.

For some reason, that makes me hesitate. I slow down, until I stand still. My eyes search through the chaos of walkers, trying to spot the golden haired idiot with his idiotic plans. He doesn't shout, which doesn't tell me anything. Is he...

Suddenly, there's a hand around my lower arm. I look up, seeing a dead face coming towards me. Empty eyes flash at me while the teeth are about to rip a piece of flesh from me. I try to pull myself off, but in the process attract even more unwanted attention. From every corner new walkers appear, and my chances of escaping get smaller and smaller.

"Damnit!" I grumble, feeling panic rise up. I already feel another hand grab my shoulder and pulling me away. This is it, I think. Damnit.

I feel warm substance dripping onto my face. Red overflows my eyes and I can barely see. I'm being pulled away even more, and I expect to feel pain any second now. I've never been bitten by anything before and I don't know what to expect. I imagine that being eaten alive is the most painful way to go. I've really done it this time.

"Get those legs working!" a voice says. I didn't know walkers could talk. Unless those walkers are called Henry. He's dragging me away from the herd. His face is covered in blood, and I imagine mine is as well.

I manage to free myself from his grip around my arm. He glances at me in confusion, but not for long. I'm much faster than he is, I don't need to be dragged around like a cloth. I pass him with ease, and feel that his presence gives me more adrenaline. If I go even faster, I might be able to lose him too.

Between the bushes and the trees I can already see the asphalt of the parking lot surrounding the grocery store. Almost there.

The parking lot isn't empty though. There are a few undead here and there, and if the herd is following us we might just get stuck again. I imagine we have about four minutes to find the shirt. If it were as I thought, I lost the shirt when I went through the window. That would be troublesome, since the walkers seem to surround the building like bees attracted to honey. Why…

"Can you see it already?" Henry suddenly asks, while he's panting his lungs out. I almost feel sorry for him. Almost.

"No" I answer. "But I might have an idea where it is." I take a deep breath. Grabbing a knife in each hand, I just hope I won't get bit. And that the shirt is still there. "Stay here."

I don't give Henry the time to protest to my idiotic plan. I didn't with his. Telling him to stay put isn't the greatest idea either, as the walkers are closing in from behind, but I'm sure he'll find a way to escape somehow.

I start running.

It's dark, but it doesn't scare me. Not like before.

* * *

Despite the many near death experiences of today, I feel satisfied. I wasn't able to get rid of Henry, but at least I got what I wanted. And he kind of helped…?

After I succeeded getting my shirt back, we both ran into the same direction. I didn't signal him or anything, I told him to stay put. 'Staying put' basically means 'await further orders'. I didn't give him any, but he still followed my lead. He's like a dog. An annoying one, if that's even possible.

We found refuge in some abandoned car. The engine and basically anything useful has already been taken out, but not the comfy seats. We just locked the doors and blinded the windows with whatever we could find, although we weren't going to light a fire anyway. It's for the people out here. The bad ones.

Henry took the front seats, I'm in the back. After everything that happened today, I was too tired to tell him to go fuck himself. Yeah, it's that bad.

But now that I'm lying here in the dark, staring at the roof of the small car, I can't fall asleep. The shirt lays on top of me like a blanket, even though it's way too small to cover me entirely. At least it's back.

I wonder about what's next. Virginia. It doesn't sound that far away, but on foot it's the farthest as can be. There's no way to tell how long the letter Carl wrote has been waiting for me to be found, they might've just left by the time I get to that community of their friend.

For a short while, I wondered if they might go to the Alexandria Safe Zone. For a pit stop, like Henry said he could arrange for me. If the people over there are that care-free, perhaps they would go there. And Washington. What will they do over there? And how could I ever catch up with them on foot? That's going to take years.

"Can't sleep?"

I try not to sigh. Nosy bastard. "Nope."

"Me neither" he responds. Wow, what a surprise.

Oh great, now he clears his throat, as if he wants to say something again. Just shut up, dude. "Have you reconsidered my offer yet? Don't get this the wrong way, but from what I've seen, you could use a refill."

I sigh, and make it sound even more dramatic. "I already gave you an answer. Stop bringing it up already. Tomorrow we'll part ways, that's it."

"Really?" His voice sounds louder this time around, as if he's irritated. Thank god. He can't keep his stupid smirks up forever.

"Yes, really. Why do you care?"

"I don't."

I chuckle. "Liar. You keep going on about it, and you tell me there's no reason for it?"

"I'm just doing my job-"

"What job? Stalking people till they join your boyband?"

"No, that's not-"

"Then why so persistent? You're not fooling anyone like this."

"You just remind me of someone."

In surprise, I shut my mouth. That was unexpected. And he actually sounds hurt, so much so I'd almost care. I suddenly do wonder what his face looks like right about now.

"If you'd like to know, you look almost identical to a girl I used to go to school with. You even talk the same."

I'm not sure if that's a compliment. Knowing there's a girl out there who looks just like me isn't very soothing. And Henry seemed to care an awful lot about her if he goes out of his way like he did today to save me. I just hope the girl wasn't his ex-girlfriend, because that is very uncomfortable.

"She's dead now" he continues. I gulp. There it is. "I wasn't able to help her. I basically left her to die."

His voice starts to tremble a little. This guy is one emotional wreck, someone who plays tough and thinks he's smart, but all the while just barely keeps it together. Strangely enough…I can relate.

"I killed a woman" is what I say. As if that's comforting. But now that we're opening up about our sins, I might as well throw in mine. "I didn't want to, it just happened. It wasn't an accident or anything. I'm not really sure how I got myself in that situation in the first place, or who attacked first. All I remember is that I stole some goods and she was pissed about it. I didn't know it was theirs, it was just lying around under some bushes and I just so happened to find it. She screamed at me, stuff about how her kids need to eat and stuff like that. I didn't even take half of it, and I still offered her half of what I took, but I didn't seem to get through to her at all. She was…insane. She started throwing knifes at me, and threw herself on top of me as well. She almost looked like a walker." I gulp. "Pulling the trigger might've been something instinctively, or an accident. Or maybe I wanted to." As if I'm back there, I can hear the gunshot echo through my head. Feel her lifeless body collapse on top of me, her bloody skull on my chest. "She returns every night."

"Shit" is all Henry says. "I'm sorry."

In the dark, I can't do anything but smile at my pathetic self. Look at me, getting all friendly with some random dude, talking about how hard life is to us, while I should be out on the road, looking for home. The road ahead scares me. I don't want to do stupid things like this ever again.

"Are the beds comfy?" I ask after some time of silence.

"What?"

"The beds, in your community."


	9. Chapter 8: Chillin'

**As you can probably tell, last week's chapter was a bit rushed, because if forgot to do an intro. The chapter had been lying around for weeks, but an intro...nope. Thing is; I just moved into a new house, away from my parents. I was still a bit busy with unpacking stuff and figuring out what cooking is again. (19 y/o and still can't go without a microwave)**

 **Anyways, this next chappie is fresh. Next week and the week after that I don't think I'll be able to upload, but I'll try my best.**

 **(Disclaimer: no moneyz)**

 **Enjoy! :)**

 _Chapter 8: Chillin'_

"Carl?"

My dad's voice wakes me up, like it does every morning. Well, every morning from this past week.

Sometimes Michonne would call out to me, but most of the times it's my dad. And it's crazy how fast I'm getting used to that. We only moved into this house six days ago, and every day I manage to sleep in. And I hate sleeping in, but there isn't any actual electricity for an alarm clock or anything.

During one of the first days here, I did ask if I could sleep with one of the babyphones in my room, so I could make sure everything was alright with Judy. But for some reason that 'wasn't a good idea' because 'you need sleep as well'. And you don't?

So far, I can't help but feel on edge in this wonderland of a walled community. Because every time we think we've got it all figured out, something or someone comes along to ruin it. There's this voice in my mind telling me I need to be prepared for when it happens.

Besides that, the other thing that bothers me is the fact that we're not going to Washington any more. The reason I sleep in every day is because these are the kind of things that keep me up at night.

First off, Eugene is a dick. He told lies to everyone. It started out with a small one, until he got himself so mixed up in it he almost started to believe it himself. He could've told the truth any time he wanted to, because that would've saved us so much trouble.

Because of Eugene, Abraham now suddenly is soulless and walks around like a wounded puppy.

"Carl!" my dad shouts again.

"Yeah, I know" I shout back, while swinging my legs over the edge of the bed. I was dazing off again.

But it's not only Abraham. My dad too. He doesn't really know what he's doing. I mean, sure, he acts like he does, but I know better. He thinks the same as me; this place won't hold. And with all hope of ending the entire walker-problem, there isn't much more to do here. Only hold out as long as we can, and see how long it will take before…

I open a drawer, where I've stalled the few shirts I own. I only noticed I was missing one when unpacking. Can't really remember where I lost it.

I throw a clean shirt and jeans on the bed, and decide I should wash my face first. I forgot that's what normal people do. Compared to the people here, we must look like apes. Or at least primeval.

The people in the Alexandria Safe Zone are overall kind of….well, carefree, I suppose. A little too much, and that's scary. Only a few have seen what's behind the walls, people like Aaron. But the rest…I think even Judith knows more about survival than they do.

"Carl?" Now it's Michonne. Seriously, why are they so pushy?

"Comin'!" I reply, while turning on the faucet. Bowing down I can put my head in the sink. When I stand straight again, I see my own reflection staring back at me. I don't see myself all that much, but it sure is a surprise that my hair has gotten that long. I remember Jessie, one of the carefree people here, offering all of us a haircut, and maybe I should consider taking back on that.

"Carl, seriously, what's the hold up?" Michonne shouts again. It doesn't really sound like there's an emergency, more pretend angry. I know Michonne long enough to know she's either pranking me or has an actual pleasant surprise, or just something cool to show me.

I decide not to answer, but just keep going at it on my own pace.

Alright, Washington. We're not going anymore, there's no cure, it sucks. But the thing that sucks the most about it is that I told Alexa we were going there. The thing that gives me nightmares is the thought of her going to Washington on her own, all the way there, and us not being there. She'd be alone at the other side of the country.

I asked Aaron to look out for a girl that has her appearance, and told him she could be a real asset to the community. He raised an eyebrow, but didn't question any further.

As I'm walking back into my bedroom, I suddenly freeze. What if…

I don't think I've changed clothes this fast in my entire life. I stomp downstairs and skip the last few steps. Running towards the kitchen, I almost bump into Michonne.

"There you are!" she says, more amused than annoyed.

I glance around the kitchen real quick. My dad's nowhere to be seen, only Judith sits in her baby seat, smashing a stuffed animal onto the table. "What's all the ruckus about?"

Michonne's smile gets bigger. "Well, I thought you'd like to know that Aaron returned this morning."

She stops there. I frown. "And?"

Michonne is really enjoying this and I am so annoyed. "Well, he says he saw a girl that looked a lot like your friend-"

"Alexa?" I interrupt. "Where is she?"

Michonne's expression changes a little, and I can only guess what that means. "Honey, she's not here. He just…saw a girl that looked a lot like her. She's not that far away from here."

I stare at the woman, because I need a second. "Are you serious? Then what's the point of telling me?"

"Well, it's good to know that at least she's alive?"

At this point, I storm out the kitchen. I can hear Michonne calling out my name a few more times, but I've heard enough. Some random girl out there that looks like Alexa and could be her, is alive. So what? Then why didn't Aaron take her with him? What's the fricking point of making it all so special?

I stomp off the porch of this stupid house and walk onto the road. I'm not sure where I'll go, just as long as it's away from these idiots.

I wish there was a way out. I would just go look for her myself. I'd do a way better job than that stupid Aaron.

As I keep walking, I spot a plain field of grass, the only thing in here that comes close to being natural, although I bet it's all fake.

I sit down close to the edge. I feel as if there are eyes staring at me. For as far as I know I'm not sitting in anyone's yard, so I don't know what their problem is.

Or it might just be because I'm one of the people from the outside. This whole place is insane.

As I stare out over this fake grass field, I suddenly wonder what Alexa is doing right about now. Is she reading the map, and heading for Virginia?

"Shit" I mumble. I am such an idiot. Virginia. Noah's so called community. By the time we got there it was already overrun. It won't be much better now that time has passed on. Damnit. I might just have send her into her death. I'm the worst friend ever.

All I can do now is hope that the girl Aaron saw was Alexa, because then she wouldn't be too far away. Maybe she'll find this place by accident. Maybe.

"Hey." A girly voice above me sounds. I look up.

It's Enid, one of the few people around my age in here. She hangs out with Sam a lot, who's kind of a douche. But Enid is alright.

"Hey" I reply. Despite her being cool, I really want to be alone now.

"What are you doing?" she asks.

I shrug. "Nothing much. Just wanted to get out of the house for once."

Enid thinks me answering is an invitation that she can sit down. Yet I don't stop her. She might be one of the few people that understands. She's been out there. She knows.

"Jinx" she says. And then she's silent.

I don't remember her being even this talkative. The first time I saw her she looked at me like I look at everyone here.

"I saw you running out your house" she says after a while. "Like, running for your life."

Despite my anger, I can't help but laugh a little. Maybe I overreacted a little back there, and it must've really looked very dramatic.

"Yeah…" is all I say. Enid smiles as well. She has a nice smile, actually. "Like I said; had to get out of the house."

Enid nods, still a bit laughing. "Ok, I won't ask then."

She's cool, I guess. She's not pushy, like some other people here. Sam wanted to know all about what was out there, and I really didn't want to tell him anything. It's not like being out there is something to be proud of. The thing that Alexa is out there and I'm not is even more…

"You know" Enid suddenly says, and I remember she has eyes. I must be frowning like an old dog. "If you wanna get out of here sometime,...I mean, I know a way?"

"R-really?" I say, but immediately regret saying that. "I mean…no thanks." Suddenly, I can see Alexa's face in front of me. "Wait, yes. I actually…yeah."

Enid frowns at my good stuttering. "Allright…"

I bow my head. "Sorry, my head is just…."

"…all over the place" she adds. I nod.

"Yeah."

Like I said; she knows. And I think I don't mind having her around.

Just chilling like this almost reminds me of…

"Open the gate!"

Suddenly, there's some rumbling by the entrance. From where I'm sitting I can see Sasha running across the posts, calling out to Abraham who stands below. I can't see who's shouting, it must be coming from the person at the other end of the gate. It's not a voice I recognize, but Enid does.

She immediately stands up, her eyes fixated on the gate. I stand up as well, because this makes me uneasy. What is behind the gate? It could be a herd for all we know.

"Enid?" I say. "What's wrong?"

Before she gives me a real answer, she's already running towards the gate. More people seem to be concerned with what's about to happen, while I still have no idea. Among the crowd, I try to look for a face I recognize, besides Sasha and Abraham. They seem to have enough trouble with opening the gate as it is.

"Carol?" I say. I see her standing not far away from me, an apron around her middle. "What's going on?"

She looks from the gate back to me. "I…I don't know. I think there's someone coming."

"Good or bad?" I ask, glancing at the gate again. A man who stands next to Carol chuckles, crossing his arms.

"Good, boy" he snorts. "It's Henry."

"Who?"

The man smiles even brighter. "Who? Well, Henry is a lot of things."

I frown. That doesn't make this situation any more clear.

"I need some help over here!" I hear the voice shouting again. He seems to be in trouble. Abraham manages to open the gate with a few other people.

The townsfolk wait around the gate like a group of fans. This Henry must really be a big deal if so many people are waiting for him like this.

In the crowd, I find Enid. "Who's this Henry guy?"

She seems startled by me, but quickly redeems. "Just some recruiter, but he's been missing for a long time. He was the one that told me where to find this place."

Suddenly, the people around us start cheering and clapping. But when I look, I don't see anything to cheer about.

This guy Henry walks in, all bloody and dirty, but he's not alone.

"I need some help!" he shouts, and the cheering dies out. "Quick!"

In his arms, he carries a lifeless body.

It's her.


	10. Chapter 9: Are you ready?

**Hello,**

 **Little update; I've got accepted into art school and it's been pretty hectic so far. I'll try to upload as frequent as possible, but I can't make any promises. I'll try my best :)**

 **(Disclaimer: I do not own The Walking Dead)**

 **Enjoy! ;)**

 _Chapter 9: Are you ready?_

I complained before about how bad my sleeping rhythm was. After Henry entered the Alexandria Safe Zone carrying a dead Alexa with him, sleep was nothing but a memory.

The surgeon and only doctor and also Sam's dad said she needed to be reanimated. That was the last thing I heard before the door of what was the infirmary back then was slammed in my face. Carol ran with Henry and the doctor inside and was about to close the curtains when she saw me standing on the porch.

"Go" her lips formed behind the glass. Then I couldn't see a thing anymore.

I think I was in shock. The image of Alexa's lifeless body kept appearing before my eyes, so much so that I couldn't see where I was going. Somehow I ended up at my own house and sat down on the porch. I must've sat there for hours, only thinking about what I'd done.

I'd killed her.

I told her where to go without thinking things might not work out. How could I be so stupid? Why would I think that the world turned into a happy place with rainbows and unicorns? Nothing ever works out here.

I should've known.

Alexa and Henry arrived in the morning, by the time someone came to check on me it was already getting dark. All the while I sat there on the porch. I hadn't had breakfast because I stormed out after Michonne told me Aaron had returned from recruiting. I was used to sometimes not eating for hours, after having travelled on the road for months. I'd once even tried to convince myself to eat dog food.

But during the time I sat there I didn't feel anything. I only clips of her. Of when she was still alive.

The first time I saw her, in the woods. She was shocked to see me, and I was surprised. She hated me, for sure. In the prison, each time she accidently saw me in the room, she'd turn her face away from me, pretending to be busy with something else.

The first time I spoke to her. I saw her toy around with the dumbbells and some other exercise equipment on a deserted area of the courtyard. She continued to snap at me, asking me to leave, but I didn't. I wanted to know everything about her. Where she came from, what school she went to, where she used to live, what her favourite food was, her general interests. But she kept me away from her.

The first time we were outside the fences together. We had to run for our lives. She was constantly annoyed having me around, but it was only the two of us left. We got separated from the others, surrounded by walkers on each corner. She suddenly grabbed my hand, and I felt my body shudder. She started running, dragging me along with her like I was nothing more than a cloth. She kept running and running, dodging walkers from each side. She saved my life.

The first time we hung out together like normal people. We'd sit on my bunker bed, enjoying the silence, reading a book or a comic, talk about nothing in particular.

The first time she was actually mad at me. She wouldn't speak to me for weeks. I remember the way she smiled when we finally sorted the stupid argument out.

The first time I kissed her.

A mixture of these things kept going on in my head. Her smile, her frowns, her way of rolling her eyes, her laughter, her touch. All of it ended with the image of her dead in the arms of Henry. And it's all my fault.

I felt a hand on my shoulder, but it took me a while to realize it belonged to someone. From far away, I could hear a voice, repeating the same word over and over again. It took me a second to realize it was my own name.

"Carl?"

Slowly but surely, Alexa's face faded away, and I could see again. The sky was dark, most houses around us were dark as well. Blinking, I realized where I was.

My back hurt. Everything hurt. I hadn't moved for an entire day. As I changed position, my hand touched something cold. Looking down, I saw it was a plate. Mashed potatoes, some beans, corn. Tonight's dinner. Judging from the looks of it, it had been sitting there for a long time.

Looking up, I looked into my father's eyes. He sat down next to me, glancing at the still untouched plate, but didn't comment.

"Excuse my language" he said when shoving the plate away, "but you look like shit."

"Thanks" I mumbled back, and I almost got scared by the way my voice sounded. So monotone and cruel.

"It wasn't a compliment" my dad mumbled back. I shrugged. All of the sudden I felt so tired, a conversation with my father about nothing was the last thing I needed.

"I just came back from Pete's" he continues. Digging through my memories, I remembered Pete being Sam's father, as in the doctor. "She's still in critical condition, but…her heart is beating. It doesn't say much about her future, but…it's something."

I let it all sink in. I guess it's better than someone telling you that there is a girl that looks like the girl you're looking for had been seen alive. At least this was the real Alexa, who was also in real danger.

"Michonne told me about what happened this morning" my dad says after a while. I thought we were done with this. "I get that you're frustrated, but…you shouldn't have run off like that."

"Well, I couldn't pretend all of it was cool and funny" I said back. Michonne made it look like it was a joke, I couldn't appreciate that.

"She was just trying to cheer you up." My dad sighed, and I knew that meant he was going to give me a life lesson of some sort. I had yet to tell him I might be too old for that kind of stuff.

"Listen, alright? Remember what I told you, back at the farm? A long time ago, but you remember, right?"

I gulped. Of course I remembered. It was right after Dale had passed away. I'd hidden myself in the attic of Hershel's barn, because I couldn't stop blaming myself. I went outside the farm's territory, into the woods. Randomly, I decided to follow the river, to see where it would end up. At some point there was a mood stream across a cliff, with a walker stuck into it. Shane had given me a gun to protect myself, and even helped me learn how to shoot. I wanted to try it, just for once.

But then the walker managed to set himself free from the mud and started grasping at me. I managed to get away somehow, but not for long. That night, the walker found its way towards the farm, and Dale was the one to stumble upon him.

The old man was basically dead already when Daryl shot him. His body was torn apart, and it was all my fault for being so cocky. And apparently I'd learned nothing from it.

My dad found me sitting there, and I expected to get scolded for saying mean words to Carol, because I had, but instead, he told me something important.

That nothing is important. No one is important. Everyone is going to die someday, one way or another.

" _And I need you to be ready for it."_

When mom died, I wasn't ready. And I didn't think I was at that moment on the porch.

"Yeah, I remember" I said. My dad nodded.

"Then you know that this whole thing isn't your fault, right?"

I shrugged. "Maybe."

My dad somehow managed to grin. "I'm sure she won't blame you for it when she wakes up."

"If she does" I mumbled.

My dad grabbed my shoulder again, harder this time. "She will. Trust me."

Letting go of my shoulder again, he glanced behind him. Perhaps it was Judy who was calling out or something.

"Now please go to bed. We'll talk more in the morning."

* * *

The 'we'll talk more in the morning' – thing never actually happened. I woke up around noon, for some reason. I think both my dad and Michonne felt bad for me, so they let me sleep in. And apparently I needed it.

When I came downstairs, I found out no one was home. Even Judy was gone.

Feeling hungry for the first time in twenty-four hours, I grabbed myself some food and decided to go for a walk.

I felt calm. A total difference from the day before, when I just couldn't stop going from one traumatic incident to the other.

The streets of Alexandria were oddly empty. I wondered if I'd missed something, as if there was a meeting of some sort. Not that I would be invited anyway, my dad would have me watch Judy till it was over. Now that Judy wasn't home, I had absolutely no idea what to do.

Almost as if it was a habit, things were already decided for me. I hadn't even left the street or I spotted the blonde guy, Henry, sitting in the grass on the side of the road. It seemed like he was alone.

I approached him. Not sure why. I knew I shouldn't, because I'd want to ask him about what happened out there. I hated that question when I first arrived in Alexandria. Everyone here around my age seemed to think it was 'awesome' in a way. All except Enid, of course.

As I got closer, I noticed Henry was wearing a bandage around one arm, and his whole face was pretty much stitched up.

Apparently he didn't see me coming, because he didn't look up or anything, and when I started talking he didn't seem particularly interested either.

"You're Henry, right?"

He turned his head slowly to look at me, and then turned back to staring in the distance. "Yup."

"Is it ok if I chill here?" I continued, knowing he'd probably prefer to be alone. I sat here myself just a day ago. Although in the end I did enjoy having some company, especially someone who understands. Like Enid.

Henry shrugged. "Suit yourself, man."

As said, I sat down in the grass, leaving some space between the two of us. The food I'd taken from home was just some crackers and homemade jelly.

"You want one?"

Henry turned to look at my extended arm with the crackers, and then looked at me with a frown. "You serious?"

I nodded. "Yeah, man. We got enough."

I then realized it was odd to offer food to someone who'd been 'out there' for a long time. For example, when we first came here, we slept in one house altogether, just to be sure.

Henry seemed to realize the same thing, and cracked a little smile. "Right. Sorry. And thanks."

"No problem."

For a while all there was, was the sound of crackers breaking and chewing. And all the while no one walked by. I absolutely had no idea what was going on, and I didn't think Henry knew either.

When he'd finished eating, he turned towards me with a blank face. "Don't get me wrong, but I know what you're trying to do. You want to know all about the world outside these fences, no? Well, let me tell you; it's absolute-"

"Shit, I know" I interrupted, a little angry as well. "Our group has been here for, like, a couple weeks? You know Rick? He's my dad."

Henry blinked for a second, then slightly nodded. "Yeah, I know him. And the dark lady is with you as well?"

I assumed he meant Michonne, so I nodded. "Yeah, and also some other people walking around here."

"Then you must be…Carl, right?"


	11. Chapter 10: Guilt

**Hi!**

 **I can already hear the screams 'WHERE THE HELL HAVE YOU BEEN?!' Thing is: I just started my bachelor studies Creative Writing at the art school of Arnhem, the Netherlands, and am having the time of my life. As of now, while I'm writing this, I'm sitting with three friends at a table, each of us writing our own thing. Also with a beer to next to our laptops. I can't promise when I will be uploading next, but know that I will finish the story. Not today, of course.**

 **(Disclaimer: the season premiere crushed my soul)**

 **Enjoy! ;)**

 _Chapter 10: Guilt_

When Henry recalled my name, I almost chocked in the stupid cracker. While coughing, I managed to nod.

"Yeah, that's me." It sounded more exciting in my head. Henry stared at me while I coughed my lungs out. He wasn't in shock or anything, it seemed more like he was examining my face or something. It made me feel a little uncomfortable, and I also wondered how he knew my name. And how he met Alexa. And what happened. I wanted to know everything, but that dickhead wouldn't start talking.

"How do you know?" I asked eventually. Henry then suddenly realized what he was doing, and continued staring blankly.

"She found your letter."

He might as well could've stabbed me right there. Alexa did find the letter, and the false hope I'd given her. It was my fault after all.

"And she wouldn't stop crying over this one shirt she found, which used to be yours. And she'd talk to you in her sleep, but when I asked her who you were, she always acted shady. You remained a mystery so to speak, almost a myth. But know I'm sitting next to you, so I suppose she wasn't crazy after all." He paused to grin. "Well, not entirely. She was planning on following you people to Washington, even after I'd continuously offered her to bring her to the Alexandria Safe Zone, even if it was only to patch her up and get her some supplies for the trip. But she wanted to go so bad."

I fell my chest becoming empty as Henry continues to speak. He was basically telling me the sins I'd committed, and what kind of horrible friend I'd been to poor Alexa.

"Eventually I managed to change her mind, though" Henry then said, a smile appearing on his face. "She didn't like it, but she didn't have a choice. It was mainly my fault, I think. I could barely walk, let alone travel for a whole day. But she stayed with me." He sighed, and then turned to look at me. "Don't get me wrong, but leaving that letter really screwed her over. If I hadn't run in to her, she would've been….you know."

I nodded. "I know. It was stupid, but…I never thought she'd actually find it. And I couldn't really predict all the things that happened on the way…"

Henry nodded, but didn't really seem convinced. "Maybe a weird question, but….were you two, like…friends?"

I gulped. The images of her face before she left the prison, the memories of her soft lips, the smell of her hair, it all flashed before me. It made me feel even more guilty. "Yeah. Just friends."

Henry let out a, what seemed relieved, sigh. "Oh, ok. Don't mean anything by it, just…wondering."

I felt the level of awkwardness rise, and I cleared my throat. "Right. But what exactly happened, before you two arrived here?"

Henry's grin disappeared, and his face became blank again. "We…I, made the wrong decision. We tried to get a car, but ran into some people…." His voice died out and his mouth maintained the form of a yawn. His eyes became glassy.

It scared me. It was the same look my dad had when he found out my mother was dead.

And just like back then, I didn't know what to do. I had no crackers to eat. I didn't feel like patting him on the shoulder since I was feeling horrible myself. We had both hurt the girl we cared about.

"Carl!" I woke up from the slumber. At the end of the road, near the gate, stood Tara. I hadn't talked to her much, but we were (apparently) close enough for her to call out my name as if we hadn't seen each other in ages and were in desperate need of catching up. But her face didn't tell the same story. The expression was a mixture of concern and relief.

She ran up to us, and when she got closer Henry looked up as well. I stood up.

"What's up?" I said awkwardly.

She pointed over her shoulder, towards the building that served as the infirmary. "It's Alexa. She's woken up."

Henry stood up as well and immediately started running towards the infirmary. Normally I would've followed him, but at that moment, I couldn't. I stood frozen to the ground.

I wasn't sure whether I could face her after all I'd done. Could I bare the hatred in her eyes when she'd look at me?

"You don't wanna go check on her?" Tara asked, a little uncertain now. I looked at her face, wondering why she asked. She didn't even know Alexa. She didn't know what we were. She had no idea.

I shook my head. "Nah, I'm good."

She frowned. "You sure? You looked pretty worried yesterday."

I shrugged. "That was just the shock. It's fine now, she probably needs her rest anyways."

Tara clearly didn't get the memo, because she continued to question me. "But….your dad said you guys were pretty serious…I mean, I don't wanna interfere with anything that's going on between the two of you…but since you haven't seen her in so long-"

"It's fine, really" I snapped. I bowed my head. I could just walk away, but I was still deciding whether I should go or not. A part of me wanted to see her eyes open and look at me. Hear her voice, her snappy nicknames for me and her stupid grin when she pissed me of somehow.

The other part of me was afraid that no matter if she were alive or not, I'd already lost her. What was the point of talking to her now knowing that things will never be like they used to?

"You know" Tara said after a while. "The fact that she's awake now doesn't mean she's out of danger. You know as well as I do that nothing's certain anymore. These walls might just break down tomorrow. We're living day by day." She sighed. It felt like she was waiting for a response of some sort, but I kept my mouth shut. I wasn't really in the mood to be lectured, especially not from someone I didn't know that well.

"I didn't get to say goodbye to my sister" she blurted out. "What I'm trying to say, is that you need to treasure every second you get, to be with the people you most care about. That's all."

Very emotional and all, but I wasn't feeling it.

I stood there for a while. Tara left, time passed. The same daze as the day before came over me. It wasn't scary or anything, I kind of enjoyed it. No thoughts, nothing.

I only looked up when someone else touched my arm. Automatically I lay a hand on my belt, where I used to keep my gun. When we entered Alexandria, Deanna took all our weapons, so this move was useless.

When I looked up, I stared into two brown eyes.

"Henry" I said, surprised.

He grinned. "What are you still doing here?"

I shrugged. "I…don't know."

He shook his head. "Man, she's been asking for you. C'mon."

I gulped. Maybe Tara was right. We could all be dead tomorrow.

Or not. And I'd have to live with the guilt another day.

"It's ok" I murmured. "She's probably tired."

Henry raised one eyebrow, looking at me as if I'd just insulted his ancestors. "What are you blabbering about? Get over there."

Without saying a word, I turned around and walked home. For some reason, Henry let me go. He called my name a few times, but I didn't respond.

Before I got to our street, I spotted Enid sitting on the side of the road. She had her knees pulled up and her body bowed forward, as if she was busy fuddling with something tiny. When I got closer, I saw she was braiding flowers together. Such a girl thing to do.

"Hey" I said, and sat down next to her. It hit me how relaxed it felt, to just randomly sit down with someone. She glanced at me quickly, and murmured a hello back.

Then we were silent after a while. I looked at her skilled hands braiding the thin grass together. It looked pretty, and was somehow relaxing. Like watching a time lapse in a nature documentary. It was the thing I used to do when my parents were fighting over something.

"How is she?" Enid suddenly asked.

"Who?" Of course I knew who.

"Your girlfriend."

"She's…not my girlfriend."

"Whatever. But how is she?"

I shrugged. "Fine. She's alive."

Enid looked up from her braiding. "You don't seem that happy about it."

I shrugged again. "It's….complicated."

"Have you talked to her at all?"

Even Enid. Why would no one just leave it alone? Maybe I just don't wanna see her right now, is that so hard to understand?

"Like I said; it's complicated."

Enid rolled her eyes, the way Alexa used to do as well. "So that's a no. Why? And don't answer with 'it's complicated', because it probably isn't."

I stood up. I'd had enough lectures for one day. "I should probably head home. See ya later."

Before I could take a step, she grabbed my hand. The touch send electricity through my body. "You can stay for a little longer. It's not even dark out yet. And you haven't answered my question."

"Why do you care? You don't know me, and you don't know her."

"No, but I can see when something's not right. And what you're doing is wrong."

I sighed. "Just…leave me alone, alright?"

I pulled my hand back, and started walking home for real. It seemed as if I couldn't trust anyone in this town anymore. Everyone was against me. No one wanted to hear my side of the story.

When I got to the porch of the house, I hesitated. I'd probably get another lecture once I'd be inside. First from my dad, then Michonne, and then Judy would look at me with her big googly eyes, knowing something would be wrong. Everyone would be judging me, asking questions.

I turned my back towards the door. Perhaps I could avoid all that. It was probably a childish thing to do, but I felt like running away. Being on my own without people expecting things from me.

So I ran. I'd already spotted a few places easy to sneak out. Some loose screws in the fence, which was probably dangerous and something I should report to Deanna or something, but for now I kept it a secret. The only problem was that I could get out, but wouldn't know a way back in. I wasn't planning on staying away for long, but if they'd happen to go searching for me, I might as well return by knocking on the front gate.

Those were all things for later. I headed of towards the weak spot I'd seen, only to discover they'd already fixed it.

"Shit" I murmured. Facing the wall with newly added aluminium plates, I thought of more spots, when I heard footsteps behind me. Glaring over my shoulder, I saw to my surprise Enid standing there.

"I can get you out, if you want" was all she said. She then nodded her head towards another part of the wall. There were several metal plates which could be used as a boost up.

She climbed it with practised ease, and for the heck of it I kept my head down while she did, so I wouldn't be staring at her ass. I followed her soon after, and before I swung my legs over the top of the wall, I looked back at Alexandria. It was getting dark now, but I could easily spot the infirmary. The lights were still on.

Then I climbed down, and landed with two feet on the forest floor.

When I straightened my back, I suddenly looked in the blue eyes of Enid. She pressed her lips against mine.


	12. Chapter 11: We're in trouble

**Is the real life? Is this just fantasy?**

 **No, it's another weekly upload, and I didn't even skip school for this.**

 **(Disclaimer: Negan and I have a hate/hate relationship. Don't fangirl over him. What the hell is wrong with you people.)**

 **Enjoy! ;)**

 _Chapter 11: We're in trouble_

I push her off of me. I didn't mean to do it hard, but she almost falls back.

I can't believe what just happened. "Shit."

We're looking at one another. I turn around and start running away. I can't believe it.

"Henry!" I hear her shout after me, but I don't stop. I'm already getting tired, and feel the little amounts of food I've eaten over the past few days dancing around my stomach.

I kissed her. Why the hell did I do that?

I wake up and immediately roll to the side of the bed to throw up. The spaghetti splatters across the floor and for thirty seconds I'm not able to do anything else but to barf.

When it's finished, I sink back into the pillows of this bed. I immediately feel a lot better, but also very empty. It's something that's been hanging around me for a while.

I turn the light beside my bed. Carl said they weren't a couple. Then why did she risk her life for _his_ shirt?

I wanna ask her, but I don't know how. We haven't even talked about the kiss. Or about anything useful.

But she did kiss me again. In my dreams that is. And she continues to do so every damn night. She walks towards me, smiling. She stands on her toes and plants her soft lips on mine. And every time I get scared. It's wrong.

It's not that I don't like her. Sure, I do. But as a friend. Maybe I should talk about it with Aaron. He's a good listener, and knows more about this stuff than I do.

I turn around and fall asleep again. Alexa doesn't visit me this time.

"Aaron?"

"Yeah?"

"Can I….ask you something?"

"Sure."

I take a deep breath. "Uhm, I don't know how to put this, but…please don't judge me right now."

"Of course not."

I clear my throat. "Well, uhm, see….there's this girl. And she kissed me. And I think she kind of likes me. But I don't like her back. Not in the same way."

"Aha. Good stuff. Well, not good stuff as in _good,_ but good drama. And you probably want to know what you should do now?"

"Actually…there's more."

"Ok, go ahead."

"Well….there's this guy. And he was kind of together, sort of, with the girl. But they're not official."

"Oh. Does he know?"

"No, no he know nothing. But…uhm, that's not really the point."

"What is….oh, I see."

"Yeah. So…that."

"Do you think he….?"

"No. I'm pretty sure he isn't."

Aaron sighs. "You've got yourself in a tight situation, Henry."

I nod. "Yup. I thought this only happened on TV."

Aaron snickers. "You'll be surprised how much of that is based on reality. But, to get back to business…I think you should tell the girl you're not interested. And I think it's better for now not to see that guy anymore, because he will hurt you. Not physically. But mentally destroy you."

"I know, but…that's hard. I mean, everywhere I go, he's there."

"You know-"

Aaron doesn't get the chance to finish another thought as Rick nears us. I gulp. He does not look happy. Not that I've ever seen him smile or anything. And he has no reason to be pissed at me. At least, I hope he realizes there's a lot more important stuff to be worried about.

"Aaron" he says, not even glancing at me. Shit. Maybe he does know. Oh wait. There it is. "Or maybe you know. Henry, right?"

I nod. "Y-yeah. What's up?"

"Have you seen Carl around?"

Shit. Shit, shit, shit.

"I thought… I mean I saw you two hang out a couple times, so perhaps you know where he is now." While speaking, he looks around the street. He doesn't look me in the eyes again. What does that mean? Oh shit, now he does. Carl has the same eyes. "Do you?"

"What? No….I mean…" Great going, you idiot. "No. Sorry. I don't."

Rick doesn't seem to care that I'm pissing my pants, or pretends not to notice.

"Damnit" he mumbles. "If you do, tell me. You too."

And just like that, he's gone. Doesn't even wait for any questions, and I just so happen to have a lot.

I've been gone for a while, I know that. But I still find it strange to think that this man is getting more and more power inside the walls of Alexandria. Soon, I bet Deanna won't have a say at all. He'll maybe even kill her.

It wouldn't surprise me. He has that look in his eyes. Carl has it too. They've done it before.

"Henry" Aaron says. "You comin'?"

He's already continued walking, but I still stare at the back of Rick Grimes. It occurs to me that he has short legs.

"Who does he think he is?" I mumble.

"What?" Aaron says, as if I'm talking to him. I turn around.

"Who does he think he is that he can order us around like that?"

Aaron frowns. "He wasn't really giving orders just now. He just asked us to look out for his son. I don't see-"

"I'm not talking about just now. Just generally speaking. I've seen how he walks around this place. He thinks he's the man, doesn't he?"

Aaron crosses his arms. "Well, he is one of the few people here who's been outside these walls for so long. He knows what's out there….and at least he dares to take action, even if it has drastic consequences."

"But I've been outside these walls as well. You too" I say, which for some reason makes Aaron smile. "What's so funny?"

He shakes his head. "Nothing. I just can't really see _you_ leading all of these people in here."

"Yeah, but….at least they _like_ me."

Aaron shrugs his shoulders. "They do now. But….when you're the leader of a large group of people, and you're _the only one_ leading, you're gonna have to make decisions for everybody in that group. And not everyone will agree with your choices. They just won't understand your reasoning behind it, or don't know the entire story. That seems to be the case with Rick. And, let's say, you'll try to lead, eventually, there will be a group of people who won't agree with you, like they do with Rick now. Then they _won't_ like you anymore."

Looking at Aaron, the way he stands right now, I wonder what that Rick has done to him. Brainwash, maybe? Why is he glorifying this man so much?

"Disgusting" I mumble. But while saying it, I wonder why I suddenly despise Rick. Is it because he's the father of…?

"Look" Aaron begins again, "there's a reason he's been able to survive for so long, and has also been able to raise a son as well as a baby girl. It's because he's the right man for the job."

Rick's back disappears around the corner. I watch his sweaty shirt till it's gone, and suddenly know that it's not his fault. It's not his fault I am who I am.

"I have to go" Aaron says, and it feels like he's standing far away from me. "If there's anything else…know that our door's always open."

From the corner of my eye, I can see him turning around and walking into the direction of his house. I mumble a soft 'thank you'.

I have no idea where to go now. Denise said I should come over if I had any pain anywhere, or just had something on my mind. But Alexa is there too, and I'm not really in the mood for awkwardness. Aaron's pissed, I think. At me. So no use in showing up at his doorstep, even though he said so.

And I gotta stay away from _him._

Perhaps I gotta ask Aaron if I can go with him recruiting next time. These walls are making me crazy.

At these moments, I miss my mom. She knew everything about me. She knew who I was even before I did. And she would always understand my reasoning behind everything. She even divorced my dad for me. She would know what I should do know.

I don't miss my dad. All he did was get disappointed at everything I did.

I could go home and get back to my favourite thing to do nowadays; stare at the wall and wondering if things would be different if I just didn't run away after kissing Alexa. She wouldn't have been wounded, and we probably would've talked it out and she would be happy with Carl right now.

Or what would be different if I stopped her before kissing me. If I pushed her away from me. Then we could've walked through the front gates together, I would've introduced her to everybody. In the crowd, she'd see Carl, she would run up to him, jump into his arms, and they'd kiss. I would never have to hang out with Carl and talk about Alexa and what happened to her. We would be the guys that just knew each other, and nothing else. If I hadn't kissed Alexa, I would've never…

"Psst!"

I look up. I'm still standing in the middle of the street. Aaron is gone. But there is someone else.

"Henry! Over here!"

I glance around, but I don't see anyone. I suspect it's Enid. I'm not used to her getting all mysterious.

"Behind the wall!" she says. I frown. My eyes scan the outside fences, and catch a hole somewhere in the middle. Her eye sticks through it.

"What the hell are you doing over there? I thought I told you-"

"I know! And I'm trying to get back…but there's a problem."

"What did you do?" I mumble, as I near the fence. I take another look around, making sure nobody sees me talking to a wall. Aaron may think I'm crazy, but that doesn't mean the rest of the world has to think the same.

"Please don't be mad" Enid says, and I can't help but to roll my eyes.

"I promise. Just….what is it?"

Enid clears her throat. "I kissed Carl, and he ran off and now I don't know where he is. I've been out here looking for him, but I have no idea and I'm scared-"

"Wait, what?" I've never seen Enid panic. Her eye disappears from the hole in the fence. "Hey! Don't walk away!"

Enid isn't the emotional kind of girl. Or she is, but doesn't show it. I was the one who recruited her, and the only one who's known her the longest from anyone in Alexandria. She had crawled underneath a car, hiding away from a herd walkers. I managed to draw them away with a flare.

She was exhausted and could barely stand. Covered in blood, she looked more dead than alive. Inside Alexandria, I watched how she recovered. I'm not sure whether we're friends or not, but when I left to recruit again, she told me to be careful and begged me to come back alive. I did come back, and I am alive, yet we haven't spoken.

Until now.

"I'm here" I hear her say. "What am I supposed to do?"

I clear my throat. "I kissed Alexa."

"What?"

"The girl. I kissed her."

"I got that. But…why?"

"I'm coming over. We gotta fix this."


	13. Chapter 12: Us

**Hello, hello, I know I know it's been too long.**

 **Sorry I had to keep you guys waiting for so long when there is only one chapter left. Art school is tough.**

 **But here it is, in the New Year a fresh chappie. This will be the last I will write of this story. If someone else likes to continue it, be my guest. I'm afraid I won't have the time anymore...**

 **(Disclaimer; I do not own the Walking Dead. This entire story was a suggestion of a reader of mine, ComputerBreeze.)**

 **Enjoy for the last time! ;)**

 _Chapter 12: Us_

 _Alexa_

It wasn't how I imagined being reunited with him. He didn't even visit me, for crying out loud. And that's not even the strangest part.

I kissed somebody else. I kissed _Henry_. Of course, it was never clear if Carl and I were, like, together, but still….it's strange. And I felt guilty. I was too scared to ask Henry if he'd told Carl, and if that was the reason he didn't come to see me. I was dying to get out of the stupid bed and go looking for him myself, but this Denise girl kept telling me to rest up because of stuff and things and it was just very annoying.

My injuries mostly consisted of this stupid shot wound, thanks to the idiot called Henry, and some hole at the back of my head. They had to cut my hair in order to fix that. It's a wonder they were able to do that. They even apologized for my haircut, but I assured them that if they hadn't cut it, I would've done so myself. And I wouldn't even be lying.

So there I lay, under the sheets, staring out the window, wondering what this Safe Zone looks like. I was unconscious upon entering, of course, so I have no idea what to expect. The inside of the infirmary looks nice, though. Like a little sweet house. A doll house, almost.

The few people I've seen walking around all look like dolls as well. They're well fed, have clean clothes and almost no to nothing of regrets in their eyes. I predicted that at least eighty percent had never seen a dead body. By that, I mean both a dead body and a walker. I wondered how many of them knew how to handle a gun.

No wonder Rick got to be in charge so soon. Well, he wasn't the leader just yet, but it wouldn't take that long.

The few people, beside Henry and some random townspeople, who came to check up on me, were Rick, this girl called Tara, and Maggie. I really appreciated all of them. Rick only said he was proud I was able to find them and for staying strong and stuff like that. Tara introduced herself briefly and I kind of don't know what to think of her, but Maggie seems to like her. I never had much contact with Maggie, but I still thanked her for stopping by. I probably wouldn't have done the same, though.

On this particular day, I lay there in the bed. I could see my own reflection in the window, the short brown hair and the huge bandage around my forehead. I looked ridiculous, although I liked the short cut.

There was a knock on the door. The only people who knocked were idiots who stopped by. Sometimes townspeople. They always kind of looked shocked when they locked eyes with me after entering. I found out that most of the people living here saw me enter through the gates like a screwed up toy in the hands of Henry.

I didn't feel like having to introduce myself or anything, or explain what the world behind the fences looked like, or what happened to my parents.

"They tried to eat me" I told some kid once. He had this weird bowl cut and huge blue eyes and he kind of reminded me of the Kazoo kid. He ran away shortly after.

I pulled up the blanket up to my chin and closed my eyes. After being out there for so long, I knew how to control my breathing. Any fool would believe I was asleep.

"I know you're awake."

Well shit. There were two things that didn't make sense with that sentence. One; obviously my plan t failed. Second; the guy saying it was Henry. I kind of wanted to avoid him, but I also kind of needed to speak with him. About you-know-who. No, not Voldemort.

I sighed and opened my eyes. Henry had already grabbed a chair and was positioning himself beside the bed.

"Guess you know me too well" I murmured. A sad smile appeared on his face.

"No. I've just watched you sleep for too long. I can tell the difference. Don't get me wrong, though."

I rolled my eyes. He liked saying that. 'Don't get me wrong' blah, blah, blah. "I barely ever get you wrong, stupid."

Henry seemed to ignore that last part, but instead folded his hands together like some religious person. I think I actually saw a priest walking around here somewhere.

"Look; about what happened before…just know I…we, can't continue… _that_."

That made me chuckle. He sounded like a toddler confessing something to his mom, but he didn't dare to say whatever he'd done out loud. "We kissed. That was it. Got it. But….does he know?"

Henry seemed relieved, and the reason I kissed him returned; the playful twinkling in his dark brown eyes. Part of me was sad it was over. But roughly 99.99% was happy.

"Who?"

"You know who."

"Voldemort?"

"Funny. You know who I mean. Two words: sheriff hat."

Henry's eyebrows disappeared into his long hair hanging over his forehead. "Oh, yes."

"What?"

"No, I mean no. He doesn't know."

I breathed out through my nose. "He better not. You nearly gave me a heart attack."

"Yeah, sorry. I mean. Wait. Don't get me wrong, but no. I don't feel sorry for you."

"Uh, what?"

Henry unfolded his hands, and folded them again. Nervously. "Look, don't get me wrong-"

"I don't."

"….but the thing you have with Carl, whether it is friendship or something else…I think it's better if you guys are just honest with each other. That would be better for everyone. And I'm sure he has to tell you something himself as well…"

"What do you mean?"

The sad smile appeared again. "I think you know. But no worries, there will be a time for that."

He suddenly stood up and walked back to the door. I had no time to respond, I was too stunned. What had Carl done now? Shot somebody again? What if he'd changed? What if he really did become the killer I thought to see in him for a long time? What if the reason he hasn't visited me is that not Rick is the leader here, but Carl? W ha t if he ha s becom e the mo nster?

Henry opened the door. I was too afraid to look, so I instead stared at the ceiling above me. I wasn't ready to see and get nightmares and things like that.

"Come in" Henry said. No. I couldn't do it. Nope. Hell no.

"Hi." Wait. What?

I looked up. There was a girl standing on the porch. She had long brown hair and big green eyes. She had thick lips and a sharp, pointy nose. She had that kind of face you wouldn't forget that fast. I hadn't ever seen her before, but I would surely remember her for a number of reasons.

She had a big bag in her hands and looked very uncomfortable.

"This is Enid" Henry said. "She's gonna help you get dressed up."

I glanced at Henry, then at the bag, then at the girl and back to the bag. "Say what now?"

Enid shrugged her shoulders. "His plan. Not mine."

"Great! Then Imma let you girls fool around on your own. See you later!"

That bastard. He gave Enid a push into the house and closed the door behind him as he left the compound himself. I don't remember him being this sassy.

Enid sighed as she carried the bag towards a table. "I feel like I should apologize in advance. I'm no good at this stuff."

I shrugged. I liked her attitude. "Depends on what I'm dressing up for. If it's a dance, then no thank you."

"Exactly." She opened the bag and started sorting out all kinds of bottles and pieces of clothing. I had seen about half of the bottles before, things my mom used to use, but the rest was unfamiliar to me.

"So what's the occasion?" I tried again.

"I'm not allowed to tell" she answered. I frowned.

"From who? Henry?"

Enid stopped unpacking to look at me. Her eyes were really, really green. "Henry is my closest friend in this entire town. I trust him with my life. So when he asks me to do something for him, I do it."

I nodded slowly. "Alright, alright. I get that. I once had a person like that in my life."

Enid nodded back, as if she understood what I was saying. It was the first time I ran into a girl my age that wasn't all helpless. Enid looked strong. I could tell by the way she carried herself around. She seemed ready for a fight anytime. Always one hand near her hip, where she probably used to carry a knife or something. Inside these walls, those weren't necessary. Or allowed.

"Alright" she said after storing everything on the table. "Let's try to make something of you."

 _Carl_

This was a stupid idea. Why I ever said yes to doing it….I don't know either. We could do it without their help. I could do it. I could just walk up to the infirmary, knock on the door, walk up to her and spill it all.

No fancy dinner in Henry's garage needed.

I'd never seen him so lively. The depressed being I tried to talk to for so many times seemed to have been replaced by this jolly rabbit that jumped around like he saw rainbows and unicorns everywhere.

As of now, he was hopping around the kitchen. Sometimes, a swear word sounded from inside the house. He was making spaghetti. Or something that's supposed to look like it.

And I was just sitting in his stupid garage. Sitting on a chair at a table, wearing a new shirt and jeans. Henry attempted to make something out of my hair and told me I couldn't wear my hat.

"Did you know you could get bald when you keep wearing a hat indoors?" he said.

"Your garage is more outside than in."

"Whatever. You look better without a hat anyways."

That was that. Now I had to wait. I had no idea how they were gonna get her here. Last time I heard, she was still in bed, unable to walk.

The door to the house suddenly opened. Henry appeared, wearing an apron with little cows on it. He mumbled to himself as he walked past me.

"What's going on?" I asked.

Henry disappeared around the corner, leaving me to wonder on my own. Maybe the spaghetti had finally gone to his head. A shame, kind of. My dad couldn't cook for shit. I was actually hoping for a nice meal.

The wait was killing me. All I could do was stare at the candle in the middle of the table. It was almost surprising that Henry didn't have a boom box with him and a bunch of Wham! CDs.

Someone cleared their throat loudly. I looked up. There she was.

She was wearing a white blouse that swung around her thin body like a curtain, and normal jeans. The shirt made her thin neck look longer. And maybe it was the haircut too. Her brown hair was cut short enough for her to resemble some kind of pixie. Her bright eyes made her look like one as well.

Around her head, she wore a dark bandana, which made her look tougher.

"Is that bandana a statement?" was the first thing I blurted out.

"Is that weird hairdo one?"

I grinned, and then remembered what Henry told me. I had to stand up, and sit down when she had.

"It's called chivalry" he'd said. Whatever.

"You leaving already?" Alexa said when I stood up. I dropped down again. Screw you, Henry.

"No, I'm not. There's a lot we have to talk about."

She nodded. "Yes, we do. So, where do we start? And the bandana is to hide the bandage around my head, if you'd like to know. I kinda like it."

I grinned. I couldn't help it. When she sat down, I took a closer look at the bandana. I kind of recognized the colour.

"Is that…my shirt?"

 **Thanks again for reading this story. It's been a good run. Thank you for reviewing and feedback and stuff like that. Really keeps the motivation up!**

 **If you'd like to read more Walking Dead Fanfiction of mine, there's two more stories on my profile. It's earlier work, so pardon me for the bad English. (I was young and stupid. Now I'm just stupid)**

 **Thanks A Lot!**


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